A Titan of Cinema, or: The Man Played Chess with Death!!

Hey guys,

The world we live in is suddenly so disrupted, bizarre, and single-mindedly focused on the COVID-19 pandemic that it feels like pretty much everything else could be overlooked.

Knowing that, I insist that we take a few moments to note that the incredible Max von Sydow died last week.

Husband insisted on the title of today's post, because for some time I've apparently been on a 1-3 year cycle of declaring that von Sydow is "A Titan of Cinema", only to back up my declaration with the unassailable proof implicit in, "The Man played chess with Death!!"

For anyone not terribly familiar with von Sydow's work: he was in over 100 films, including many of the seminal movies directed by Ingmar Bergman, in a career that spanned multiple decades.

I am so brokenhearted that he's gone.  Von Sydow was so sneakily ubiquitous through generations of cinema that it felt like he would live forever.  He had a beautiful, gaunt, haunted face--as if carved from stone--that nevertheless comforted and grounded me, because at least for the moments he was onscreen, we were assuredly in good hands.

He was gravitas personified.  He would have to be to take on the hefty roles whose cloaks he so readily threw around his shoulders.

What a time for him to die: when arguably his most iconic role was that of a crusader playing chess with Death during the Plague.

I rewatched "The Seventh Seal" (1957) last week to mourn him, and was unusually comforted by it. When I watched it for the first time when I was in high school, I remember feeling stunned and frightened at the thought of living through the terrifying, bleak, mercilessly deadly era portrayed in the movie.  A part of me simply couldn't fully accept that human beings had lived through a period that dizzyingly lethal.

And yet, they did.  They did their best to endure it, in sometimes monstrous, sometimes frivolous, and sometimes lovely ways.  As embodied by von Sydow's crusader, they sometimes had the courage and desperate stubbornness to face the anguish of mortality and demand answers, even if those answers never came.

No one asks to live through a once-in-a-century contagion.  The fear many of us feel at watching the world come to a screeching halt at the hands of an invisible viral menace is valid, rooted in the reptilian survive-at-all-costs parts of our brains as much as the historical marrow of our bones that can, on some level, remember the plagues of the distant past.

But if there's anything to take home from the last few posts I've written, it's that humanity is ceaseless in its ability to craft beauty out of its own pain, to bring forth light from darkness.  "The Seventh Seal" is hardly in and of itself uplifting, but what is is its preservation, for generations to come, of the cinematic giant at its heart.

Goodbye Max.

{Heart}

2019 Movie Round-Up!!

Hello darlings!

It's time for our end-of-year (although it's technically late February) movie round-up!!



In an unusual turn, I am going to continue with the theme of this year's resolution post and pepper this post with "The Good Place" gifs.  Because you're worth it.

Let's make this happen!

The PsychoCinematic Year in Movies

2019 Edition

1. The Bleeding Edge (4)
2. The Death of Stalin (3.5)
3. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (5)
4. Vice (4)
5. Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (3)
6. Fyre Fraud (4)
7. Catwalk: Tales from the Cat Show Circuit (4)
8. Terms and Conditions May Apply (4)
9. Lego Movie 2: the Second Part (4)
10. They Shall Not Grow Old (5)
11. The American Meme (3)
12. Get Me Roger Stone (3.5)
13. Prospect (4)
14. Captain Marvel (4)
15. Behind the Curve (3)
16. The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley (5)
17. Us (3)
18. An Honest Liar (3.5)
19. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (5)
20. The Price of Everything (4)
21. The Unknown Known (3)
22. American Factory (5)
23. Cold Case Hammarskjöld (5)
24. Wine Country (1)
25. Avengers: Endgame (4)
26. The Hottest August (3)
27. Decade of Fire (5)
28. Free Solo (4)
29. Perfect Bid: The Contestant Who Knew Too Much (4.5)
30. Isn’t It Romantic (3.5)
31. Prosecuting Evil: The Extraordinary World of Ben Ferencz (5)
32. Do I Sound Gay? (3)
33. Booksmart (5)
34. Rocketman (3)
35. Holy Hell (3.5)
36. Gilbert (2)
37. Filmworker (4)
38. Deliver Us (2)
39. The Gospel According to André (5)
40. Tim’s Vermeer (4)
41. Pavarotti (3.5)
42. Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood (2)
43. The Farewell (3)
44. The Endless (3)
45. Spider-Man: Far From Home (3.5)
46. Ad Astra (3.5)
47. Joker (1)
48. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (2)
49. Jojo Rabbit (5)
50. The Great Hack (4)
51. Can You Ever Forgive Me? (3)
52. Saving Capitalism (4)
53. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (4)
54. Magnus (4)
55. Hail Satan? (5)

To my pleasure and pride, I once again met my 52 movies per year goal and exceeded it by 3 films!  Woo!

With the exception of that one month when I didn't see any movies but actually did, and the month in which my child was born, I managed to maintain a pretty persistent pace of movie-watching in 2019.  This continues to be an overall good sign of ongoing self-care, which is very heartening!

As always, we'll first review the year's least favorite movies, which have been nominated for the following infractions:

For having an incredible cast of women but seemingly hating women??:

Wine Country (2019)

For insisting on celebrating a comic whose brand of comedy is honestly fine at best 

but grating at worst, and not just because of the put-on voice:

Gilbert (2017)

For somehow managing to blow an opportunity 

to make an utterly terrifying and fascinating documentary:

Deliver Us (2017)

For being an unforgivably boring, low-key misogynistic, 

and tiresomely unnecessary exercise in Hollywood self-celebration... 

to the extent I forgot I'd seen it:

Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood (2019)

For being, as I previously summarized, unrelentingly grim and not much else:

Joker (2019)

For being straight-up propaganda:

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

There are three major contenders for my least favorite movie.  The films up for this dishonor are "Wine Country" (2019), "Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood" (2019), and "Joker" (2019).  Both "Wine Country" and "Once Upon a Time" have misogyny problems.  Regarding the latter, we all know I'm pretty fatigued with movies about movies.  On the other hand, in some ways the brand of misogyny displayed in "Wine Country" stings a bit more because it's a women-dominated film and directed by Amy Poehler, who I love!  Despite these things working in its favor, it portrays relationships between women as toxic and shallow and is depressingly lacking in sincerely funny moments.  

Ultimately, "Wine Country" is a movie I finished out of stubbornness rather than anything resembling enjoyment.

Amy whyyyyyyyyyyyy

With all that said, however, I honestly did not need "Joker" to be made, and I don't think the world is better for its existence.  Honestly, I felt awful for the duration of that film and I felt awful when I concluded watching that--and not in the "wow that movie really challenged me in a way that is worthwhile albeit difficult" or "hey that film really taught me tough things about the world that I should be aware of" way.  It was just awful for awfulness's sake, in a way that feels borderline celebratory of the miserable male destructiveness its titular character embodies without cease for the entire duration of the movie.  

Blech.  

So, my absolute least favorite movie of 2019 was:

Joker (2019)

Seriously this movie.

And now that that's over with, this year's best movies!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
They Shall Not Grow Old (2018)
The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley (2019)
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)
American Factory (2019)
Cold Case Hammarskjöld (2019)
Decade of Fire (2019)
Perfect Bid: The Contestant Who Knew Too Much (2017)
Prosecuting Evil: The Extraordinary World of Ben Ferencz (2018)
Booksmart (2019)
The Gospel According to André (2017)
Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Hail Satan? (2019)

I'm pleased to have seen such a wonderful variety of great movies last year!

The majority of my favorite movies from 2019 were really excellent documentaries on a variety of topics.  "They Shall Not Grow Old" (2018) is a stunning and innovative repurposing of World War I footage, lovingly and painstakingly orchestrated by Peter Jackson.  "American Factory" (2019) won the Academy Award for Best Documentary and illuminates the dire struggles of American workers facing the erosion of unions, dwindling labor jobs, and the new challenges of being taken over by Chinese-led businesses.  "Cold Case Hammarskjöld" (2019) is a WILD and riveting ride that stretches credulity to some incredibly dark and disturbing places.  "The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley" (2019) and "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room" (2005) skewered the greed and pathological ego of corrupt business enterprises.  If I weren't such a committed atheist, "Hail Satan?" (2019) honestly might have converted me to satanism?  "Prosecuting Evil: The Extraordinary World of Ben Ferencz" (2018) profiled a courageous, principled, and diligent lead prosecutor in the Nuremberg trials.   So many good documentaries this year!

In the land of fiction, we all know I found "Booksmart" (2019) utterly delightful, fresh, rich, and entertaining.  "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" (2018) was SO MUCH FUN and finally helped me understand why people are so into Spider-Man.

So that leaves us with the two contenders for my absolute favorite movie of the year.  

Months ago, I wrote about "Decade of Fire" (2019), which thoroughly details the multiple systemic factors that led to the destruction of huge swaths of the Bronx in the 1970s.  Because of how expertly and coherently it weaves together the combined disastrous impacts of systemic racism, including redlining of communities of people of color, the withholding of resources to maintain infrastructure, exploitive landlords, inaccurate and sensationalist press, and abandonment and disparagement by powerful officials, it should be required viewing for all American citizens.  People would have a much more clear-eyed understanding of how systemic racism continues to impact American cities and people of color if they saw this formidable, brilliant film.  They would also have the chance to see how communities can nevertheless come together to survive and overcome their oppression.

Earlier this month, I also wrote about "Jojo Rabbit" (2019).  It left me absolutely astonished by its ability to pack such a range of emotion into one film and to extract hope from some of the bleakest, most terrifying events in human history.  It was funny and sweet, but also horrifying and devastating, but also strengthening and uplifting.  It's the kind of movie that makes me so excited about movies--weird, maybe a bit messy, but also exhilarating, inventive, thought-provoking, and audacious.

Reflecting on these two movies, a common element is clear: not just survivorship, but the preservation and ultimate victory of human dignity, strength, and goodness.

So I'm going to do things a little differently this year.  The best film I saw in 2019 was:

Both of them.

Thanks for reading!  Onward to ever more wonderful movies!

{Heart}

PS: You can watch "Decade of Fire" here!

Before the Oscars, A Quick Plug for "Jojo Rabbit"

Hi everyone,

Before tonight's Academy Awards, I want to jump in with a little celebration of "Jojo Rabbit" (2019).

It is nominated in six categories, including best picture.  Unlike a few years ago, when I had long-shotty but sincere hopes that the most deserving (and my favorite) film in that category would win--and those hopes were dramatically borne out--I have very little hope indeed that that will happen this time around.

Admittedly, I haven't seen every movie in the Best Picture category for 2019, and there are some I have reason to suspect are really excellent films.  However, of those I have seen, you already know how I feel about one of them, and that I found the other unrelentingly grim.  Based on how other recent awards have panned out, I'm bracing myself for these two to very unfortunately clean up at tonight's Oscars.  Hollywood doesn't seem able to resist a film celebrating Hollywood, no matter how deathly dull and/or problematic it is.  And they also may not be able to differentiate between a, granted, strong performance that nevertheless takes place in an honestly pretty awful movie.

If I'm right that one or both of these two films fares well tonight, then some truly wonderful films will have been robbed.  "Jojo Rabbit" is one of them.

This is the last movie Husband and I saw in theaters before our child was born.  We were admittedly both a bit emotionally vulnerable, with the birth of our child imminent, pausing just for the moment in the borderland between here, the before, and there, where life will never be the same.  Being in that emotional space primed us to be receptive to this movie in ways we couldn't have anticipated, but I'm grateful for that, because "Jojo Rabbit" is a remarkable, brave, and beautiful movie.

The best synopsis I have for the film is that it's like a Wes Anderson movie, but braver.  This is said, of course, as someone who generally loves Wes Anderson movies.  But part of what makes Wes Anderson movies so charming is that their preciousness--the obsessed-over, lovingly and thoughtfully crafted auteurship that has come to be emblematic of Anderson's work--creates a safe space.  Even as his films at times turn toward moments of sincere and painful emotion, they contain just enough elements of sweet fantasy to transport a viewer from the imperfect ugliness of the real world.

"Jojo Rabbit" shares some of these elements: it is beautifully and intricately set-designed and costumed, and the characters are silly and just heightened enough such that they are an utter delight to watch, but they still ring true and deeply human.  This is no small feat, because for Christsakes, this is a movie about Nazi-era Germany, and the eponymous Jojo is a child in the Hitler Youth who worships the führer to the point that Hitler is his imaginary friend.  How in God's name could anyone make that funny?

Yet director Taika Waititi delivers with brilliance.  It helps that he himself plays the imaginary version of Hitler, portraying him with a dandy absurdity that mocks the genocidal dictator in a manner that is deeply satisfying.  Sam Rockwell, Rebel Wilson, and Archie Yates each further add moments of wonderful levity to the film.

Yes, Waititi somehow found a way to make this bleak, horrifying chapter in human history funny... but only for a time.  Because there then comes the point at which the realization finally dawns that we are watching a film about World War II set in Germany, and that there is no way this deeply thoughtful and powerful film isn't ultimately going to turn to face that head-on.  When it does, it hits with the devastation of an emotional freight train.  One small, not terribly spoiler-y example of this: In his final scene as Hitler, Waititi delivers a hysterical rant exploding with unhinged rage--a sobering reminder that we can mock and deride dangerous leaders and their dangerous movements all we want, but they are still deeply, devastatingly lethal in their dangerousness and must be dealt with accordingly.

As the film approaches to its conclusion, it draws you to think about those who survived that period.  It asserts that humanity can endure even the most unspeakable horrors and still assert itself, unfailingly, as it re-emerges on the other side; that the truest and most lasting truth about humankind is not the suffering we inflict on each other, but our resilience in surviving that suffering.  Thinking about the world my child will inherit and fearing all the ugliness this world has to offer, it was bracingly and unexpectedly hope-instilling to be reminded of the strength and grace humanity has within it as, over and over again, it stubbornly and beautifully survives.

Surely a movie capable of all of this--of reclaiming one of the darkest periods of human history and transforming it into something that both makes us laugh and connects us to the inherent strength of humanity--deserves to win Best Picture?

{Heart}

Closing 2019: Resolutions Edition

Welcome to 2020, friends!

It's time to take stock of how well I followed through with my goals for 2019 and to set resolutions for the coming year!

This year, I will honor what is fast becoming one of my favorite shows of all time: The Good Place.  In the same spirit of another soothing, thoroughly enjoyable show recently alluded to on this blog, this show has been a comforting delight in rerun mode, only to become a fresh and novel delight now that I finally have access to the current (and very sadly final) season.  I love it because it's basically a lighter, sweeter, and more humorous version of one of my other favorite shows ever (well, only season one, but still).  I very highly recommend it!

Without further ado, let's roll!

Let's begin by reviewing my attainment (or lack thereof) of the goals I set for the previous year.

My 2019 resolutions were:

1. Participate in concerted anti-racist resistance.

I operationalized this resolution in the following way:

--Ongoing involvement in anti-racist organizations and participation in at least one related training.

--Advocating with elected officials especially related to issues related to systemic racism.

--Taking opportunities to have conversations with other white people about racism.

--Practicing my right to peacefully assemble and demonstrate at least 3 times.

--Supporting businesses and projects created by people of color.

Overall, I would say I definitely have room for improvement in this domain.  My involvement in a local recurring anti-racist study group waned over the course of the year as the group's momentum flagged a bit due to changes in membership and format.  I attended some one-off symposia on topics related to racism (including one on the racist history of the war on drugs and one on the history of a major supreme court decision that determined the rights of Black Americans).  I also continued self-directed education through reading books and articles, but that's more of a supplement than a substitute for in-person engagement with this work.

I've advocated with elected officials especially using a very handy now-old-standby app, although again my engagement in that advocacy fluctuated a lot over the year.

I've broached issues related to race and racism in in-person conversations and online, but it's another issue altogether to assess how effective those conversations have been.  It's a lot easier to control how my thoughts come across and gauge the tone and productivity of a conversation when it happens in person, of course.  Recognizing that in many/most cases online discourse is an exercise in shouting into the void, I could still stand to improve how I participate in those conversations to increase the (admittedly tiny) chances that *someone* actually pauses and considers my perspective instead of reflexively regressing into sarcastic despair.

Frustratingly, I don't think I accomplished my 3 demonstrations/year goal this year.  I attended one local memorial demonstration for a victim of police brutality that was incredibly powerful and hope to do better attending similar demonstrations in the near future.

Finally, while there are some PoC-owned businesses I've patronized over the year, I could be a lot more concerted about that.  This was something I especially did while holiday shopping in 2018 at several local arts fairs, but since my child was born in the weeks before the holidays, going out to shop was not a viable option this year around. I would love to keep doing that in the coming years as well as finding businesses to support year-round. 

2. Grow roots in New Home.

I aimed to do this by:

--Trying new restaurants, going to events, and exploring New Home.

--Regularly spending time with family and new and old friends.

--Nesting.

I did a decent job of this one! Husband and I ate some delicious food, got to spend time with people we love and are just getting to know, and made the ultimate nesting maneuver (see below). New Home makes these things easy, which is part of the reason I love New Home so much. And still, I feel like there’s so much more to explore!

3. Learn about my heritage.

I unfortunately made pretty minimal progress on this one. I struggle to keep up with regular language learning and haven’t really meaningfully done much else to learn about my heritage. I’ll need to work more on this one. 

4. Find and enforce balance.

Can I just say: LOLLLLLL

In the run-up to the birth of my child, in addition to my pre-existing jobs, I wrote a college course from scratch and taught it while buying a home and moving. I basically smashed this resolution into a million little pieces. 

...But all of that was in pursuit of a life that ever more embodies what I want for me and my family. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to teach that course more than once, and I won’t be moving again for many many years. 

5. Watch at least 52 movies.

I did the thing!  

Hopefully I will be able to complete my year in movies review shortly!

Especially in light of very recent life developments, it's been interesting to attempt to set both thoughtful and realistic intentions for the coming year.  I honestly feel a bit anxious about this process because, never having been a parent before, it feels nearly impossible to accurately anticipate how the next year of my life will go and therefore impossible to accurately gauge what aspirational goals I will be able to accomplish.  And resolutions are meant to be reaches, right?  I have no idea what a reasonable reach looks like in the first year of parenting.

As I already shared, I know I want to maintain my selfhood as I grow into parenthood rather than disappearing into parenting only to re-find myself when my child someday launches into independence.  I also very much want to be a mindful, attuned, flexible parent, and see staying in contact with who I am outside of parenting as a way to do that.

Resolutions for 2020

1. Share precious things with my child.

I realize now that there’s perhaps a false binary set up in the premise that there is a parenting self and an everything else self. Of course aspects of yourself are more and less apparent when you’re parenting, at work, with friends, with your partner, or alone, but respecting and maintaining one’s personhood means inhabiting each of those roles with authenticity. I’m extremely lucky that this is easy to do in each of my roles, in large part because the people I’m around in the different realms of my life allow me to do it.

All of that is to say that parenting can actually be yet another way my identity is not only expressed, but gets to further blossom. Already, sharing things that are precious to me with my child—music and people, especially—have been some of the most deeply emotionally rewarding and powerful moments of my life. So for this first resolution, I want to commit to actively sharing parts of myself with my child, as evidenced by:

—Playing my favorite music for them
—Reading them my favorite stories and finding new favorite stories
—Exposing my child to languages other than English*
—Engaging in curiosity-driven learning with them and discovering new things together*

—Playing with them
—Sharing food with them (when they’re ready!)*
—Developing and sharing family traditions with them*
—Engaging in anti-racist parenting (and actively learning how to do that)

* = Bonus, this is a way in which I can build more of my heritage into our everyday lives!

2. Stay in contact with friends and loved ones.

I don’t think I could overstate how valuable it’s been to have the support and knowledge offered by multiple people throughout my pregnancy and following the birth of my child. There are so many aspects of those experiences that were made easier because of the wisdom, experience, and love people have offered me. Knowing that many experience parenting as profoundly isolating, I want to ensure I fend that off by actively staying in touch with the people I love. I will do that by calling someone during my commute and texting someone else at least once a week.

3. Be a mindful, attentive, and curious parent.

I want to do my best to actively attune with my child rather than slipping into autopilot. In only two months, there are already many ways in which my child expresses what they need or want, and the number of things they need or want has increased! Even in the midst of all this rapid change, careful attention to their cues often points the way. Since their repertoire of communication, abilities, and needs grows all the time, staying attentive and curious about what they’re expressing will make me as skillful as I can be. As much as possible, I want to respond to them with accurate empathy so they learn they are consistently and lovingly heard.

So how will I know if I’ve accomplished this? For now, the main thing I’ve been trying to do is closely pay attention to my baby’s vocalizations, facial expressions, and body language and trust that they know best what they need. I’ve learned this most clearly through my child’s expression of their appetite: there have been several times where I’ve had to check my incredulity that the baby is *seriously* still hungry because, *seriously*, the baby is still hungry. It’s not like babies can lie, after all!

As we like to say in therapyland, “You are the expert on you.” So: baby is the expert on baby. I just need to be willing to listen to what they have to say and not get overly bogged down in my contradictory preconceptions of what makes sense.

4. Engage in political action.

In the name of all that is holy, this is hopefully the home stretch of a catastrophic presidential administration.

Especially now that my much-anticipated child is actually here, it feels ever more urgent that the governmental ship is righted. I want to play an active role in ensuring that actually happens. So, I will:

—Actively support the rival candidate
—Engage in advocacy with my elected officials especially on issues related to equity and justice
—Engage in anti-racism as much as possible, both through self-directed learning and in-person discourse, training, and demonstration

5. Watch 52 movies.

I’m going to impose a caveat for this, my first year making this resolution as a parent. While I’m still aiming to watch 52 movies in 2020, I am going to make the following adjustments to the goal:

—It’s okay if I don’t watch a movie in its entirety.
—I still get to count movies I’ve seen before.

Hopefully these are accommodation enough to ensure I still meet this goal. We’ll see!

So now: into the new year, with gusto!

{Heart}

Year in Review: Abundant Good Things Edition Redux

Happy almost New Year and New Decade, everyone!

As this year rapidly approaches its end, I want to harken back to the first end-of-year Abundant Good Things edition.  2014 was a remarkable and transformative year for me, as I then noted, filled with milestones and once-per-lifetime moments and achievements.

Looking back over this year, I am struck by how fitting that summary is for 2019 for what has happened in my personal life... and of course, how discordant it is with the greater world around me.  That contrast is particularly striking as I formulate what my resolutions will be for the coming year.  But I'm planning to get to that in another post.

For now, I want to wrangle my admittedly somewhat sleep-deprived and therefore underly-focused brain into reflecting on the good that happened this year, because it was, as today's title states, truly and humblingly abundant.

In generally chronological order:

• I continued doing work that I enjoy.

I just can't overstate how gigantic this is in setting the tone for my life and for this year.  I am in private practice with a colleague I deeply appreciate and respect.  This year, we became partners in our shared practice, with ideas for how to expand in the future.  I work at a hospital with which I'm proud to be affiliated.  I work with people I care about and who make me feel valued.  Finally, I am fully in charge of my work and thriving in that self-determination.  I am just so grateful to have arrived at this professional place this early in my career.

• In the first month of the year, Husband and I adopted a puppy.

After years of wanting a dog and repeatedly postponing because our living situations just weren't right for it, we took a chance on a foster-to-adopt event a 90 minute drive away and walked away with a sweet, meek, perhaps a bit sad-looking pup who promptly lost a baby tooth and then slept, bathed in relief and safety, on the long drive home.  Over his first year with us, he has blossomed into a gorgeous, intelligent, playful, loving little man.  He is excellent at fetch, receiving belly rubs, bounding rubber-limbedly across fields and carpeted rooms, thankfully and ever-so-gently accepting carrots and ice cubes as treats, and greeting people joyfully.  

• I attended several glorious weddings.

Over the year, multiple good friends and family members got married.  Each wedding was such a wonderful opportunity to celebrate love between people I care about and to enjoy the company of other friends and family.  In retrospect, I'm struck by how thoughtfully and beautifully personal each of the weddings I attended this year was to each couple.  It's such a privilege to be included in these rites of passage for people I care about.

• I became pregnant.

Obviously the most tectonic development of the year and, likely, of my life was being pregnant.  I'm extremely lucky to have had an altogether easy and uncomplicated pregnancy, which allowed me to keep working so I could financially prepare for the birth of my child and enabled me to keep enjoying my life outside of work so I could emotionally and practically prepare for the birth of my child.  This outcome is yet another manifestation of inequitably distributed privilege and resources in the United States, which I benefit from as a white person.

• Several family members achieved major academic milestones.

I'm so incredibly proud of my family's academic accomplishments this year, which include completing law school, medical school, graduate school (with a *second* Master's degree!), and college.

• Husband and I took not one, but two proper vacations*.

Last year, I acknowledged that the demands of working and moving meant that Husband and I hadn't been able to travel as much as I'd have liked, and that made me sad.  We have been extremely fortunate in recent years to be able to take really incredible trips (thanks, frankly, in huge part to family members helping us).  I have deeply savored those experiences during and long afterward.  One such trip contributed to last year's resolution to focus on learning more about my family's heritage.  

Beyond the obvious enjoyment potential of going on vacation, I've also come to regard taking vacations--or not--as a major bellwether for how tenable work is and how much I'm able to set and enforce limits and balance between work and my life outside of work.  Not taking proper vacations is a major warning sign that limits and balance are not happening in a healthy manner.

So, it's a huge source of happiness and relief that Husband and I were able to take two week-long vacations this year, including one to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary.

* = Just the two of us, not just a long weekend.

• I enjoyed several weekends with dear friends and family.

In addition to the more substantial trips Husband and I took together this year, I got to enjoy weekend trips to New York City, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Savannah, Portland, Seattle, New Hampshire, and upstate New York to see people I love.  Among other things, I got to swim in a lake, attend graduations, eat delicious ice cream, go to a haunted prison, watch storm clouds roll in over a nighttime beach, eat pie and drink coffee in a classic New York diner, and eat oysters in Pike Place Market.  It was all pretty great!

• I saw even more great art.

I enjoyed some wonderful art thanks to some excellent museums, including one of my very favorites, and one I'd never been to before!

• I taught a college course.

I've wanted to teach for years--it's actually a significant part of the reason I pursued a PhD, as I was under the (perhaps false) impression that that degree would make it easier to get a teaching position.  So getting to teach a college class in its entirety was a huge professional milestone.  In an odd way, kind of snuck up on me: through collegial connections, I was offered the chance to teach a course this fall that I could write from scratch, and I accepted, and all of a sudden this was just a thing I got to do!  Teaching was an incredibly positive experience that I hope I get to replicate many times over.

• Husband and I BOUGHT A HOUSE.

What.  How.  What.  Even as I sit in this beautiful place, it is weird and stunning that this is a thing we did.  This is unquestionably the fruit of immense labor on Husband's part, because I would not have had the patience, persistence, and fortitude for a financial and logistical undertaking of this magnitude.  It seemed completely ridiculous as we were undertaking this process, but now that it's over, I am incomparably grateful we've done it.

• And, finally, my child was born.

Despite my considerable angst ahead of time, bizarrely, labor and delivery wasn't so bad.  And now, incredibly, a new person is here, and they are perfect.

With that: I am hopeful for the goodness that 2020 will bring, especially with this new person in the world.  

Happy New Year, dear friends!

{Heart}