Thanks Past Me!

Salut!

Guys SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

1) Husband and I are moving to a new city.

2) Husband and I found a new apartment in aforementioned new city that is AMAZING.
     a) Our new neighborhood includes an independent movie theater with 7 DOLLAR MATINEES.

3) I have a new job starting in May that will also be AMAZING.

As things have been coming together over the last several months to culminate in all of these changes, I've been reflecting over the last 6 1/2 years of training.  To be thoroughly inclusive, with the additional two years it took to get work experience and actually gain entry to the right graduate program, the process to get to this point, where I finally fully launch my career, has comprised almost a decade of persistent, variously exhausting, work.

I'm feeling so grateful for the part of myself that was willing to keep going throughout this exceedingly long, tiring, at times heartbreaking process.  As anyone who's periodically checked in with this blog is likely aware, these years of training have not been easy.  I've wanted to stop so many times and for so many reasons.  I coped with the dissonance of desperately wanting to bail and nevertheless continuing with varying degrees of appropriateness and success.

One particularly alluring escapist fantasy involved absconding to a Greek island to change my name so debtors could never find me and serve yogurt to tourists for a living.  And possibly drive a scooter.

Husband was maybe going to be a cook at my yogurt-serving restaurant.  Or maybe a goatherd.

I mean who could resist THAT FACE?  Especially when the alternative is comprised of running statistical analyses for dissertation while being paid poverty-level wages to break up fights between very unhappy children?  Why would ANYONE choose that over goaties and yogurt???

But I did.  Over and over.  Many times, I was angry at myself for not being willing to give up.  I wondered what the hell was wrong with me that would allow me to keep returning to places that made me feel depressed, under-appreciated, or unsafe.

Now, as I finally come to the end of this process, I'm able to see that stubbornness, persistence, and strength as the virtues they are, and I'm so grateful to have them.  I had no idea what was ahead of me, but because of these things about me, I now get to live a life I'm excited about and inspired by.

This new life is a gift I worked very, very hard for many years to give myself, despite having no idea what the gift contained.

Even beyond that, now that I'm coming to the end of my training, it's such a blessing to realize that in addition to years of experience and a degree and a job, what I've gained are hard-won reasons to love myself more.  The feeling of pride I have in myself in this moment is small, and quiet, and precious, and very, very strong.

I'm glad I've chronicled the ups and downs (and movies) of the last few years, and I'm so excited to continue during my next chapter.

Hurray!

{Heart}