Closing 2012: Remembrances and Resolutions

Dearest readers,

Tonight 2012 comes to a close.  Oddly enough, it feels like not that long ago I was writing the round-up for the movies I watched in 2011.  One of the many things I've learned this year is that being catastrophically overworked warps my sense of time in bizarre ways.  I sometimes forget what day it is or have no idea what time it is, let alone retain an accurate sense of how long ago things happened.  I suppose that's also part of what can happen when suddenly you really are finally pretty much an adult, which is something I accepted sometime in the last year or so, even if it was without consciously thinking about it much.

I never got around to writing out my resolutions for this year, but that's not a terribly good habit to get into.  Having noticed that, I want to take a bit of time to look back on this year and then craft some aspirations for the next one.

Academically, the following things happened this year:

• I finished my thesis, but more crucially, I made the good decision of electing to buy an extra bound copy for my personal possession.  It's surprising how satisfying it is having a hardcover book with your name on the spine--it really compensates for the no-one-will-ever-read-this stuff.
• I successfully presented my comprehensive exam, totally officially earning my Master's degree.
• I applied for and secured my second externship.
• I stayed at my first externship long enough to finish therapeutic work that needed extra time to be done properly.  This made for an exhausting summer, but I'm proud of myself for seeing that work through.
• I defended my dissertation proposal with my fabulous committee.
• I completed applications for internship while only coming terrifyingly close to losing my mind but not losing it altogether, and have received a satisfying number of interviews.
• I finished all but one of my classes required to complete graduate school.

More importantly, these other things happened this year:

• Boyfriend and I celebrated five beautiful years together with a week in the city where we met.  Those were easily the best days of this year.  I would also note that they served as blissful reminders of why I love him so much, but I wouldn't want to make it out like those don't happen all the time.  They do.
• We lost Tommy, but happily only after gaining Charlie.
• My gorgeous, brilliant, spectacular best friend got ENGAGED, and I get to be in her bridal party, and it's basically the best thing ever.
• My stepsister had her first child.  Hurray for babies!
• My stepbrother got engaged like days ago!  Hurray again!!
• I got to spend some really wonderful days with my family at home, where I live now, and in other places.
• Though I unfortunately often forget it, Boyfriend and I got to travel to some beautiful places together, including:

Beautiful

...and delicious.

And:

Lake at sunrise

...and while reclining on a boat.  Not too shabby.

And:

Simply beautiful, all-around.

And finally, already mentioned but still needing to be pictured:

• Also this happened:

nbd

• Which facilitated my falling in love all over again with Nate Silver.

In short, many things, big and small, happened this year, many of which I have good reason to be grateful for.  I remain relieved to say goodbye to 2012, but that's primarily because it feels good that many of these things are done and behind me, and exciting things are surely to come.

So now: resolutions!

1. Increase meditative practice.

I've continued (for the most part) daily meditation, but it's time for me to get more serious about my practice.  I want to read more Buddhist and meditation literature, lengthen my sits, and maybe even go to some sangha events this year.

2. Take more pictures.

As the selection of travel photos might show, I really love photography.  I used to devote a lot of time to taking photos, sorting through them, and posting them.  It has been an immense source of pleasure for me.  I have no business living where I do and not taking pictures.  Even if I lived in a hole in the ground, photography is so soul-nourishing to me that it deserves much more of my time than I've given it in the last few years.  I miss it, so I need to bring it back into my life.

And while I'm at it, I really need to keep reading for fun.  I actually got to do a decent amount of that this year, and I like it way too much to give it up.

3. SERIOUSLY: Call people more.

I have been utterly terrible about talking to people I love this year.  I need to fix that, possibly by having regular call-people-to-bother-them times.

4. Accept and embrace the remainder of the internship process.

This year's terrifying resolution!  I'm having a hard time tolerating the uncertainty of this process.  I may have to move, or I might not.  I may have a summer (which is so amazing to contemplate I really have to not even think about it because I get giddy and sad at the same time and it's just not productive), or as per usual apparently, totally no summer at all (God damn it please no).  I may match in phase one, or phase two, or not at all.  I'm hoping to get myself into a more peaceful mindset before interviews (which start in a week, so good luck to me?), but at the very least before Match Day at the end of February.  Any outcome is a good outcome, because it's what the universe has intended for me.

Right?

Finally: 5. Watch SO MANY MOVIES.

But at least 52.  Duh!

Very Happiest of New Years, everyone!!  I have a really good feeling about 2013!

See you then!

{Heart}

TYSG: Corgi Edition

Hi darlinks,

It's been altogether too long since I posted a Terrible Year Survival Guide Follow-Up, and I've got a pretty serious corgi buzz going from my last post.  Because they're SO GODDAMNED CUTE, I figured you guys could maybe use an extra dose of stubby-legged doggies.

I present to you: Corgis, in three installments.

1. CORGI STAMPEDE.

2. CORGI ATTORNEY.

...14 years of experience KILLS ME.

And finally:

3. CORGI FLOP.

Now, I take a small bow.

{Heart}

Year in Review: Gratitude Edition

Hallooo,

So as per usual I've managed to go a month without writing a post, in spite of having many ideas in my head of things about which I would like to write.  Among those ideas was the desire to write another post while I was home for Thanksgiving to detail the many things for which I'm thankful.  Of course, that didn't happen.

Luckily, Christmas is also a great opportunity to reflect on the preceding year and take stock of the things that signify our luckiness and that make our lives brighter, gentler, and happier.  So in spite of the fact that this post is a month belated, I am fortunate to have a follow-up holiday that provides yet another chance to enumerate the people and things I'm so glad to have in my life.

For added reader enjoyment, I will intersperse my list with CHRISTMAS CORGIS.

You're welcome in advance.

This year, I am immensely grateful for:

1. Surviving 2012.

No, this is not some stupid post-Mayan calendar hysteria.  I knew at the outset of this year that it would be so crammed with grad school insanity that it would basically not exist, kind of like a star collapsing under its own weight and becoming a black hole.  This metaphor paints a pretty accurate picture of how 2012 has felt.

In spite of my intellectual awareness of all that lay before me (externship applications round two, thesis, comps, dissertation proposal, two overlapping externships, internship applications, blah blah blah), as this year has wound down, I've still been startled by just how little I've been in touch with family and friends for the past 12 months.  I know they're waiting patiently for me to finally have a work/school life that is compatible with human life.  However, for this whole year I've simply felt so under siege that removing my grad school blinders for just a few moments to reach out seemed impossible.

In short, I'm really glad this phase of my life is over, and hopeful that I'll have at least a little more time for the many other things in my life that matter, let's be honest, quite a bit more than my graduate training.

However, I'm not simply happy to put this (awful, exhausting, grinding) year behind me.  I'm also honestly and profoundly thankful that it happened.  Even though this has been essentially the hardest 18 months of my life, it has also, as I've said before, driven my personal growth in a way I definitely did not anticipate.  I'm a better professional and person because of this year.  I've learned to be direct without being severe, to set limits with firmness but also kindness, and to build partnerships (at times seemingly from nothing).  I've learned I can get really really hard things done, and to get them done in a smarter way.  I've gotten (somewhat) better at deciding what deserves freaking out and what doesn't.  These are all changes I'm really proud of, and they may not have happened without this wretched year.

2. My fabulous, wonderful family.

I feel like I've drawn closer to and grown with my family this year much more than other years.  My family is packed to the gills with remarkable and amazing people, and I feel so smiled upon by the universe to be on this planet with them.

3. Being able to say goodbye.

We lost a deeply beloved kitten this year.  He was an incredible 21 years old.  I feared his passing for years, not only because I knew nothing would ever fill the void of his absence and he'd been with me so long I couldn't imagine my life without his beautiful companionship, but also because I was terrified he would die without me by his side.  His death was swift without being abrupt and our veterinary clinic was compassionate and sensitive.  I was with him through his last moments, and even though it brought the deepest pain I've felt in a long time, I'm so, so grateful to have been there.  He gave me so much, and it was an honor to be there with him as he exited this life.

More than that, I'm thankful to have gotten so many more years with him than I would have ever expected.  Still, I miss him so much.

4. Not owning noise-canceling headphones, or: meeting a new kitten.

I was walking along one day, listening to music, when even through my headphones I heard plaintive screeching kitten sounds.  After hunting around, I found this guy:

For the briefest of moments I hesitated in taking him home for good, but as my mom pointed out, since fate all but put him in my lap, he was clearly destined for our home.  In consultation with the Humane Society, we were able to adopt him, provide some much-needed medical care, and get great coaching in bottle-feeding tiny furry baby things (he was SO HUNGRY).  He has been such a sweet, lap-warming, snuggling, purring, and at turns completely obnoxious and spastic delight.

The icing on the new-kitten cake is that baby kitten got to meet our old kitten before old kitten left us.  In so many ways, even in times of sadness I've been very lucky this year.

5. Little things that make hard days easier, like funny websites, free contact with the outside world, and brain junkfood*.

6. The Strand.  

God damn I love that store, even though I always spend way too much there--paradoxically, not because it's expensive, but because it's so freaking cheap!  Why not buy 8 books??

Why indeed.

7.  On a related note: great books, great TV, and of course, great movies.

This will be a pretty hard year to decide on my favorite movie, and not just because I've watched 11 in excess of my yearly goal to date (woo!).  In addition to some really fantastic film, I've enjoyed some awesome TV shows and excellent, engaging books.  Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in media mediocrity, but at the same time we're living in an era of immense creativity--one of many reasons it's a good time to be alive.

While we're at it, Netflix and Roku are really awesome, too.

8. My intelligent, compassionate, thoughtful classmates.

Duh.

9. My wonderful, interesting, funny, loyal, loving, brilliant friends.  

I have the most incredible friends.  Every single time I see or talk to them, I feel renewed and, again, smiled upon by the universe.  I enjoy my life so much because of them.

10. Boyfriend, and his beautiful family.

Boyfriend has essentially carried me through this year.  I have on many occasions been a complete mess because of overwork, underappreciation, overfatigue, and various combinations thereof.  Each year we spend together deepens the richness of our relationship, and it gives me profound satisfaction and happiness to continue building a life with him.

For the first time in my life, I didn't go home for Christmas.  It was really hard to be away from everyone this year, but I was very lucky to spend the holiday with Boyfriend's family.  They are such special, warm, and fun people.  They made me feel so welcomed in their home, as they have ever since I first met them.

Vonnegut once wrote that modern partnerships often fall apart because they try to function as just a dyad, in denial of our nature as pack animals.  He said that when couples fight today, regardless of the surface issue in dispute, what they're really saying is, "You are NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE."

While spending the last few days with Boyfriend's family, I felt so at home.  It was so comfortable settling in with them and deeply enjoying their company.  I already have a pretty massive and fantastic family of my own, but I'm greedy.  With Vonnegut's cautionary warning in mind, I want Boyfriend's family, too, and I'm so thankful to have them.

Also they play the best games of Catan on record.

And, finally:

11. You, dearest readers.

With that, I bid you goodnight with a final Christmas corgi:

{Hearts Aplenty}



* = Adam Carolla has a history of expressing racism and sexism.  I no longer support his work.