So as per usual I've managed to go a month without writing a post, in spite of having many ideas in my head of things about which I would like to write. Among those ideas was the desire to write another post while I was home for Thanksgiving to detail the many things for which I'm thankful. Of course, that didn't happen.
Luckily, Christmas is also a great opportunity to reflect on the preceding year and take stock of the things that signify our luckiness and that make our lives brighter, gentler, and happier. So in spite of the fact that this post is a month belated, I am fortunate to have a follow-up holiday that provides yet another chance to enumerate the people and things I'm so glad to have in my life.
For added reader enjoyment, I will intersperse my list with CHRISTMAS CORGIS.
You're welcome in advance.
This year, I am immensely grateful for:
1. Surviving 2012.
No, this is not some stupid post-Mayan calendar hysteria. I knew at the outset of this year that it would be so crammed with grad school insanity that it would basically not exist, kind of like a star collapsing under its own weight and becoming a black hole. This metaphor paints a pretty accurate picture of how 2012 has felt.
In spite of my intellectual awareness of all that lay before me (externship applications round two, thesis, comps, dissertation proposal, two overlapping externships, internship applications, blah blah blah), as this year has wound down, I've still been startled by just how little I've been in touch with family and friends for the past 12 months. I know they're waiting patiently for me to finally have a work/school life that is compatible with human life. However, for this whole year I've simply felt so under siege that removing my grad school blinders for just a few moments to reach out seemed impossible.
In short, I'm really glad this phase of my life is over, and hopeful that I'll have at least a little more time for the many other things in my life that matter, let's be honest, quite a bit more than my graduate training.
However, I'm not simply happy to put this (awful, exhausting, grinding) year behind me. I'm also honestly and profoundly thankful that it happened. Even though this has been essentially the hardest 18 months of my life, it has also, as I've said before, driven my personal growth in a way I definitely did not anticipate. I'm a better professional and person because of this year. I've learned to be direct without being severe, to set limits with firmness but also kindness, and to build partnerships (at times seemingly from nothing). I've learned I can get really really hard things done, and to get them done in a smarter way. I've gotten (somewhat) better at deciding what deserves freaking out and what doesn't. These are all changes I'm really proud of, and they may not have happened without this wretched year.
I feel like I've drawn closer to and grown with my family this year much more than other years. My family is packed to the gills with remarkable and amazing people, and I feel so smiled upon by the universe to be on this planet with them.
3. Being able to say goodbye.
We lost a deeply beloved kitten this year. He was an incredible 21 years old. I feared his passing for years, not only because I knew nothing would ever fill the void of his absence and he'd been with me so long I couldn't imagine my life without his beautiful companionship, but also because I was terrified he would die without me by his side. His death was swift without being abrupt and our veterinary clinic was compassionate and sensitive. I was with him through his last moments, and even though it brought the deepest pain I've felt in a long time, I'm so, so grateful to have been there. He gave me so much, and it was an honor to be there with him as he exited this life.
More than that, I'm thankful to have gotten so many more years with him than I would have ever expected. Still, I miss him so much.
4. Not owning noise-canceling headphones, or: meeting a new kitten.
I was walking along one day, listening to music, when even through my headphones I heard plaintive screeching kitten sounds. After hunting around, I found this guy:
For the briefest of moments I hesitated in taking him home for good, but as my mom pointed out, since fate all but put him in my lap, he was clearly destined for our home. In consultation with the Humane Society, we were able to adopt him, provide some much-needed medical care, and get great coaching in bottle-feeding tiny furry baby things (he was SO HUNGRY). He has been such a sweet, lap-warming, snuggling, purring, and at turns completely obnoxious and spastic delight.
The icing on the new-kitten cake is that baby kitten got to meet our old kitten before old kitten left us. In so many ways, even in times of sadness I've been very lucky this year.
5. Little things that make hard days easier, like funny websites, free contact with the outside world, and brain junkfood*.
6. The Strand.
God damn I love that store, even though I always spend way too much there--paradoxically, not because it's expensive, but because it's so freaking cheap! Why not buy 8 books??
Why indeed.
7. On a related note: great books, great TV, and of course, great movies.
This will be a pretty hard year to decide on my favorite movie, and not just because I've watched 11 in excess of my yearly goal to date (woo!). In addition to some really fantastic film, I've enjoyed some awesome TV shows and excellent, engaging books. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in media mediocrity, but at the same time we're living in an era of immense creativity--one of many reasons it's a good time to be alive.
While we're at it, Netflix and Roku are really awesome, too.
8. My intelligent, compassionate, thoughtful classmates.
Duh.
9. My wonderful, interesting, funny, loyal, loving, brilliant friends.
I have the most incredible friends. Every single time I see or talk to them, I feel renewed and, again, smiled upon by the universe. I enjoy my life so much because of them.
10. Boyfriend, and his beautiful family.
Boyfriend has essentially carried me through this year. I have on many occasions been a complete mess because of overwork, underappreciation, overfatigue, and various combinations thereof. Each year we spend together deepens the richness of our relationship, and it gives me profound satisfaction and happiness to continue building a life with him.
For the first time in my life, I didn't go home for Christmas. It was really hard to be away from everyone this year, but I was very lucky to spend the holiday with Boyfriend's family. They are such special, warm, and fun people. They made me feel so welcomed in their home, as they have ever since I first met them.
Vonnegut once wrote that modern partnerships often fall apart because they try to function as just a dyad, in denial of our nature as pack animals. He said that when couples fight today, regardless of the surface issue in dispute, what they're really saying is, "You are NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE."
While spending the last few days with Boyfriend's family, I felt so at home. It was so comfortable settling in with them and deeply enjoying their company. I already have a pretty massive and fantastic family of my own, but I'm greedy. With Vonnegut's cautionary warning in mind, I want Boyfriend's family, too, and I'm so thankful to have them.
Also they play the best games of Catan on record.
And, finally:
11. You, dearest readers.
With that, I bid you goodnight with a final Christmas corgi:
{Hearts Aplenty}
* = Adam Carolla has a history of expressing racism and sexism. I no longer support his work.
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