It's time to follow up on my admittedly cryptic post from August with some clarification of the things that made me strongly convinced (inaccurately) that I had not watched any movies that month.
Shortly--perhaps extremely shortly--I will be having a baby. I am extremely excited to finally meet the tiny nugget I've been growing for the better part of the year. For a long, long, time, I've been excited not only to be pregnant, but to get to be someone's parent, and to discover who my children are as they grow and reveal themselves ever more. I've been extremely lucky that this pregnancy has truly been easier than I ever would have expected, which is consistent with my goal for this phase of things to be aggressively unremarkable.
Which brings us to the events of the near future, when inside-nugget will become outside-nugget.
Pregnancy? Totally excited about that.
Parenting? Even more excited about that.
Labor and delivery?
I mean, never having done it before, I actually can't accurately comment on whether I like it or not. But certainly, the idea of the whole process is definitely not my favorite. I'm working on identifying strategies that might help me approach this brief phase of things with as much calm, courage, and strength as is reasonable to expect of someone who's never done it before, but it's of course hard when I have absolutely no idea what to expect.
So far, I have some ideas for breathing techniques, visualization techniques, and things to say to myself to coach myself through discomfort and anxiety. I will very fortunately have people with me who love me, plus hopefully the support of a birthing coach. I have a pain management plan that I am grateful to be able to fall back on and will almost certainly use, because as my mantra in preparation for labor/delivery has quickly become: I don't need to be a hero. Meaning: I don't need to prove how tough I am. I just want the baby to come out safely and for both of us to be okay. Not protractedly being miserable whilst achieving that outcome would be great.
However, no PsychoCinematic Birth Plan would be complete without movies. Conveniently and apparently, L&D can be a whole bunch of hurry up and wait, so it would also be wise to be prepared with some comforting ways of killing time while we wait for the moment of transition from inside-to-outside.
So, any guesses on what movie I've chosen as my time-killer brain-comfort-food for these lulls before the action kicks into high gear?
Oh yes.
You know.
Seriously: "The Lego Movie" (2014) has been one of my unexpected favorites for *5 years* now, and I anticipate it will not disappoint under the forthcoming circumstances. It is sweet, funny, inventive, and diverting: everything required when things might feel uncertain and uncomfortable.
This will also present an opportunity to convert PsychoCineMom to fandom status, as she will be part of our captive audience and, when she previously attempted to watch the movie, she was thrown by the extremely chipper opening track.
Which, just to make sure we're all reminded of how goddamn delightful (and IRONIC, Mom!) this movie is, goes like this:
For good measure, Husband and I will also be prepared with ample supplies of other soothing, sweet, and positive tv show favorites.
So on top of not knowing how the nugget's entry in to the world will go, here's another thing I don't know: what the future of this blog and my movie-watching annual resolution will be.
Realistically, of course, it will be really hard to adhere to both of these commitments--especially in their original form--as I get acclimated to being someone's parent. While I want to be reasonable and gentle with myself in accepting that I might need to loosen the expectations I hold myself to on this front, as I've acknowledged many times before, watching movies and making time for occasional writing are also really important aspects of my self-care that I have arduously cultivated and in some periods fought to preserve.
I don't aspire to the kind of parenting that leads to the erasure of every other aspect of who I am--to the contrary, both because that would be bad for me, but also bad for the nugget, Husband, and other people I love and relationships and roles I care about. So at least as of now, I hope to maintain at least some momentum by continuing to watch and write about movies sometimes. A realistic and kind compromise here will very likely require a reduction in my annual goals both for watching and writing, and there are worse things than that. Right now, I'm a bit sad because I think I'll miss movies and miss this blog if I spend less time with both. I'm going to do my best to just give myself space for that feeling and see what happens once the nugget is here.
I hope to see you all again soon!
{Heart}
