Closing 2016: Resolutions Edition

Happy (almost) New Year, dear friends and family!

I hope you've enjoyed a happy and peaceful holiday season so far!

This year's silly images brought to you exclusively by
  Pusheen the Cat!

Let's dive right into our annual tradition of reviewing last year's resolutions before setting the resolutions for the coming year!

Last year's resolutions were:

1. Write more.

My goal here was largely to preserve my practice of maintaining this blog, and to do so by being a bit more flexible/less perfectionistic about what I write.  

While with this post I will have only managed to write the exact number of posts I did last year (which I would like to improve upon), I also made some albeit minor improvements in my willingness to write some posts I haven't labored over excessively.  I also wrote a post for every single month of the year for the first time since 2011, which means that I've at least maintained a consistent discipline of writing something monthly.

2. Learn Swedish.

I'm really disappointed to say that I have majorly slacked off on this one.  The main barrier has been my fear of possibly annoying Husband with the cute but frequent noises my sweet free language app makes.  I probably need to work on my willingness to risk that outcome, especially since he never complained about it when I was using the app more consistently.

3. Read stuff and learn things.

I feel like I've actually been pretty good about this!  I've swapped out some of my dumber and fluffier podcasts for more intellectually stimulating (and morbidly preoccupied) ones.  I also joined a book club since moving to New City and, for the first time ever, I've actually consistently finished reading the selected books.

I do have an ever-growing collection of articles open in the internet browser on my phone that I may never ever finish reading, but that's a step in the right direction, too.

4. Watch 60 movies.

This was yet another resolution aiming to enforce some better level of balance in my life, by ensuring a reasonable amount of time was dedicated to an interest I love.  While I didn't watch 60 movies this year, I did watch more than the minimum goal of 52.  Like my first 2015 resolution, I did manage to keep up a relatively consistent pace of movie-watching throughout the year, which I think also signals improvement on this front.

Hurray!  Not unambiguous failure on all fronts!

To be fair, I could also have included:

--Move to a New City: success!

--Start a New Job: success!

--Start meaningfully getting finances in order post-graduate training: mild yet measurable success!

--Go on at least one really cool international trip: enthusiastic success!

--Note that not literally only awful things happened this year: I'm ambivalent yet acutely aware of the preciousness of facts, so okay fine!

Now, let's proceed to my resolutions for 2017 and hope they don't all turn out like this!

1. Regularly smash the patriarchy.

The phrase "smash the patriarchy" has begun to roll off my tongue so regularly it runs the risk of becoming cliche, but seriously: in light of the outcome of the recent Presidential election, there is so much work to be done.  I want to be consistently, actively, and measurably engaged in advocating for vulnerable people and causes.  There are a couple of ways I'm planning to do that at this moment, but I don't mean for this to be carved in stone because I still have a lot of learning to do to develop a plan for best using my resources to maximize my impact:

--Participate in regular direct advocacy with my elected officials through a super easy-to-use daily texting service.  It's pretty great so far and seriously takes under 5 minutes!

--Set up recurring donations to advocacy organizations that will protect causes that are important to me, including civil rights and preservation of other democratic values like freedom of speech, assembly, and press.

--Ongoing self-education through self-directed reading and, ideally, participation in courses to learn about dismantling systemic discrimination.

--Advocacy, conversation, and education with colleagues to ensure they feel empowered to stand up for the vulnerable communities we serve as expert, ethical practitioners.

--Practicing my right to peacefully assemble and demonstrate.

--Regularly consume news media again.  Honestly, at this point, this is the hardest part of this resolution.  Despite the fact that I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to fulfill this resolution in the coming four years, I have also found it deeply triggering to listen to the news.  This is such an important practice for any engaged citizen, so I need to start trying to tolerate that again.

2. Learn all the stuff and things.

I want to continue to dedicate time to consuming literature and learning about the greater world, with the aim of supporting my first resolution and just because my brain is hungry.

I'm going to include in this resolution: Learn Swedish.  The sweet, cute, free app is adorable and enjoyable and therefore can easily take the place of some mindless silly game if I'm wanting to be entertained and learn without necessarily learning about sad or highly complex things.

3. Find ways to meaningfully and consistently set limits with work.

Seriously this struggle is killing me.  

I have made a list of things that I want to be happening regularly in my life outside of work.  I want regularly to talk to and see people I love.  I want time to cook meals and simply be home.  I want to do things in New City and travel.  I want to treat these things as equally mandatory as my work obligations.  

I'm doing this with the aim of forcing myself into a greater balance, by basically saying: If these things aren't happening, something is wrong and something at work must give.  Not having measurable life obligations means that work obligations threaten to devour every waking moment.  I just can't do this to myself anymore.

An additional adjustment I'm considering is trying to get to work early rather than staying late.  This would provide time to get extra stuff done that time simply isn't available for on many of my work days, but that time won't be open-ended.  The compromise, obviously, is I have to work through my non-morning-person status to actually get out the door early.

4. Write more.

I genuinely would like to write at least more than 13 posts in the coming year, and would like to continue to write at least one post per month.  With that aim, I'm going to keep trying to push myself to write briefer posts periodically and maybe cap myself at a maximum number of images for shorter posts so I don't fuss over them so much that this commitment is unsustainable.

I've also recently attempted to recommence my long-dormant practice of writing in a journal, and I think (unlike the abysmal and inadvertently self-invalidating attempt of 2013) this one might actually work for me.  I write one page a day with bullet points for the events of the day, following each with how I felt about them.  So, for example:

--Wrote a blog post. (Happy, accomplished.)

So far, it is the opposite of self-invalidation, and lets me take a balanced measure of each day.  I'm hoping I can stick with it, because so far I like doing it.

5. Watch at least 52 movies.

Of course, I aim to watch even more than that, but again: self-kindness.  Let's keep our expectations at least somewhat reasonable.

With that, I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and that 2017 is much better than we are perhaps expecting.  Thank you, as always, for reading!

Happy New Year!!

{Heart}

Happy Belated Thanksgiving! 2016 Edition

Hi darlings,

I hope you had a wonderful food-based holiday with your loved ones and friends!

I am honestly pretty exhausted on this particular evening but am also stubbornly resolute in writing at least one post per month, as I am perilously close to actually writing at least one post per month this year.  So damn the tired torpedoes!

Reasons I am tired:

• Long workday.  Happily, "long" only in the literal sense and not in the emotional sense.
• Very recent return from an incredible overseas trip with husband.
• Ongoing emotional processing of a disastrous presidential election.

Last year, I commented with genuine gratitude that I was not experiencing the intense burn-out-y fatigue of years past.  I'm happy to say that the trend continues; although new job has been demanding in ways I could never have anticipated, I feel that I'm getting solid footing, enjoying the fruits of significant labor, and benefiting from truly special and wonderful colleagues.  I'm really glad to come out the other side of my admittedly arduous transition into my new role feeling proud, accomplished, and gratified.

So there is that.  That is of course significant.

I'm also humbled by my gratitude for the new life I have with Husband in our new city.  New City may lack much of what I miss in Old City, but for that trade, it has given us a beautiful, spacious, peaceful home in a neighborhood we cherish for its sweetness and quiet.  I feel held by my home and my new little community in a way I did not in Old City.  I'm so grateful that we can finally step into a phase in our lives in which our material needs are meetable.  Grad school aggressively robs you of that, and it is taxing on a level that is extremely difficult to tolerate.  Because of the amelioration of that burden, we are happier and better able to turn toward pursuits that bring us happiness, including the wonderful trip from which we just returned.

That has an immensity of value I cannot calculate.

Then, nearly half of my fellow citizens made the potentially literally catastrophic decision to elect our future president.

Maybe at some point, I will have the strength to write about this at greater length.  As a psychologist and a citizen, I am overwhelmed by the number of ways in which this outcome could be processed and understood.  I am still very much in the midst of my grief process, as are so many of the people I love.  There are times when my horror, despair, and devastation are so vast I lose my ability to articulate its textures and its objects.  I struggle to understand what may come to pass and how to confront it.

So lastly, I am deeply grateful for all of the people in this world who are mourning with me.  I eagerly await, over and over, being humbled by the formidability of their strength and courage as we face the next four years together.  I am grateful for the organizations comprised of brave, principled, decent human beings whose aim is to fight for precious and vulnerable people and causes.  I am grateful for the opportunity, however powerful its bitterness, to continue my education in how to be a better instrument of justice.

I'm looking forward to standing up with you.

{Heart}

A Halloween Sampler for All Souls: 2016 Edition!

Halloooooooooooooooooooo!

Happy Halloween!!

It's that spooktastic time of year when I offer a little overview of the creepy movies I've seen this year for anyone hoping to supplement their haunted holiday!

Consistent with Halloween Sampler protocol, movies will be rated with both my usual 1 - 5 rating scale and the scary/intense rating system of 1 - 5 exclamation points (e.g., ! = not at all scary, !!!!! = so scary!).

Chauvinists beware: by honest coincidence, all except one of this year's selections are influenced by my feminist rage.  Just fyi.

Commence!

"Amanda Knox" (2016)

Rating: 4   Scary Rating: !!!

This year's documentary entry!  In case you are sadly unaware, Netflix is kiiiind of kicking butt in the original content generation department.  Their documentary series and films are beautifully shot and intelligently assembled.  Between this film documenting the infamous case(s) trying Amanda Knox for the murder of her roommate while studying abroad in Italy and the widely heralded and discussed "Making a Murder" series, Netflix also appears admirably committed to exploring possible miscarriages of justice.

The film opens with the unsettlingly cold and vacant-seeming gaze of its titular figure, making the audience immediately ill at ease and seemingly confirming the ghoulish aura surrounding her.  The movie nevertheless then succeeds in weaving a thoughtful tapestry of narratives that coalesces into a pretty alarming picture of a series of dramatic (mis)trials by court and media.

Part of what earned the movie its scary rating is the lingering impression it created of the dangers of men in positions of power who fail to understand their own deeply internalized misogyny.  Definitely scary!

"Westworld" (1973)

Rating: 3   Scary Rating: !!

One of two throw-backy entries this year!

"Westworld" is fun in a goofy and campy way.  It's also fun in a clear-Crichton-precursor-to-"Jurassic Park"-just-minus-the-dinosaurs-and-plus-Yul-Brynner way.  It's got a decent amount of tension and anxiety to it, but it's by no means overwhelmingly terrifying.  I would recommend it as a fun exploit into 70s thrillers, but even more so as a primer for HBO's AMAZING new series of the same name, which the movie inspired.

GUYS SERIOUSLY WATCH "WESTWORLD" I CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

"Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem" (2014)

Rating: 4   Scary Rating: !!!!

This year's you-wouldn't-expect-this-movie-to-be-scary-and-yet-it-is-TERRIFYING entry!

"Gett" documents the years-long process an Israeli woman must go through to secure a religious divorce from her cruelly stubborn estranged husband.  The entire film unfolds without ever leaving the court in which Viviane, played with gorgeous subtlety punctuated by moments of gut-wrenching desperation by Ronit Elkabetz, doggedly pursues freedom from a suffocating marriage.  She endures legally mandated humiliation at the hands of male judges, relatives, and acquaintances alike who persistently undervalue her time, belittle her suffering, hold her up to intolerable scrutiny, and undermine her agency.  The terror this film instills is therefore 100% terror of the patriarchy.

"Blow Out" (1981)

Rating: 1   Scary Rating: !!!

Our second throw-backy entry this year!

Real talk: I found this movie to be pretty terrible.  It pretty blatantly exploits the Ted Kennedy Chappaquiddick incident, includes some perhaps predictably not-great John Travolta acting, and feels abrasively wanton in its victimization of its female lead, played by Nancy Allen.  That latter point is kind of the point of the film, I guess--it attempts to skewer our societal lust for female suffering-induced titilation.  This may just be a product of the movie's age, but it falls flat in this endeavor.  "Blow Out" nevertheless manages to sustain a persistently sense of dread and tension, so at least there's that.

"The Witch" (2015)

Rating: 5    Scary Rating: !!!!!

As a significant tonal shift from our last selection, I REALLY loved this movie.  It's beautifully shot, moodily atmospheric, wonderfully acted, and has an awesome sticks-with-you ending.  The film is skillfully carried by Anya Taylor-Joy in what is hopefully an early career-making role.

Delightfully, "The Witch" is seriously scary.  I am slightly embarrassed to admit that this is one of the rare movies I researched before seeing because I was worried it would be too intense.  Having an inside scoop definitely helped me feel ready for it, but didn't undermine how enjoyably frightening a film this is.  I highly recommend it!

And with that: I hope you have an excellent Halloween, dear readers!

{Heart}

Snap Judgment: Don't Even Think Twice About Seeing "Don't Think Twice"

Hey guys,

I've made the near-tragic decision to yet again wait until the end of a month to write a post.  Doing that on a Friday is particularly treacherous, as my brain is 87% fried.  I may actually finally break my years-long streak of imperfection in writing at least one post per month this year, though, so I will write a damn post if it kills me.  SUCH IS MY COMMITMENT.

But don't expect too much because my brain is feeling squishy.

So let's get down to it: I didn't really like "Don't Think Twice" (2016).

THAT'S RIGHT.

I SAID IT.

YOUR WACKY-YET-SOULFUL HIJINKS DON'T FOOL ME, MOVIE.

YOU'RE NOT THAT GREAT OKAY.

Allow me to explain, in our shortest-to-date Snap Judgment ever:

• Mike Birbiglia makes me gag a little bit but actually a lot.

This is both a shame and a surprise, because I used to like that guy.  He's had some great appearances on This American Life that I have genuinely enjoyed.

Unfortunately, his cinematic collaborations with TAL host Ira Glass have been disconcertingly underwhelming.  Contrary to its intention, I'm sure, "Sleepwalk With Me" (2012) is what soured me on Birbiglia.  I went into the movie completely ready to be Team Birbigs, and came out thinking he was kiiiiiiiiind of a cheating-minimalizing douchebag.

I then listened to a long-form interview with him on a podcast I enjoy as well as some of his standup and came somewhat unhappily to the realization that he's a bit of a sexist hack.  I now can't handle hearing his stupid voice without wanting to barf just a smidge.

His character definitely does not help things, as 1) his character is an embittered, petty never-has-been-y shlub who somewhat predatorially sleeps with younger women who are also his improv students and 2) I am convinced this is pure type-casting.

Gross.

• Cringe-y your dad had a horrible accident humor is NOT ACTUALLY FUNNY YOU GUYS ARE KIND OF TERRIBLE FRIENDS.

I really love Chris Gethard, especially in his role on one of the best comedy shows currently on television.  In "Don't Think Twice," (spoilers, but can you really spoil a movie you maybe shouldn't bother seeing?) Gethard's character's dad gets in a terrible motorcycle accident and suffers severe brain damage.  Everyone goes to visit his dad in the hospital, where he feebly and effortfully tells his son "Thank you," presumably for making the trek out to visit him.

...All of the other characters then proceed to mimic that "Thank you" on the painfully long car-ride back to New York City from Philadelphia.  And it's kind of the worst, because they're kind of the worst.

• Gillian Jacobs is all about throwing around Del Close quotes about the impermanence of improv yet is a stage 5 clinger to the past.

In many ways "Community's" Gillian Jacobs is the best part of the movie.  She has some moments of sparkling humor and is generally fun to watch.  

However, her character is a living contradiction in a difficult-to-tolerate way that sums up the ham-fisted tone of the movie.  She opens and closes the movie quoting Del Close, emphasizing the emphemerality of improvisational comedy, yet clings to her very evidently dying improv troupe to the extreme detriment of her career and personal life.  It doesn't feel believably human, it just feels annoying.

• That is quite the lazy ending.

It's pretty irritating to watch all of these building conflicts only to have filmmakers yadda yadda yadda their way to an abrupt "X months later..." ending.  It really irks me.

Also (again, spoilers I guess?) there's a break-up scene that is just... no.  That just would never happen.  Please don't strain my credulity so much.

AND THEY THROW BACK TO THAT AWFUL BRAIN-DAMAGED DAD SAYING "THANK YOU" JOKE.

• Mike Birbiglia x Lazy Ending = UGH.

Are we seriously supposed to believe that that guy magically reforms just because he finally bothers to experience interest in a same-aged lady?  And are we seriously supposed to believe that said lady would put up with his extraordinarily protracted adolescence nonsense?

UGH.

So I originally gave the movie a 3.  Now, a few weeks later and clearly swimming in end-of-week grouchies, I'm further downgrading it to a 2.

Happy weekend darlings!

{Heart}

Snap Judgment: I'm Still Watching Movies Come "Hell or High Water"

Hallooo!

New job (and bonus private practice) have fully taken off since starting a few scant months ago, and things have been feeling very busy.  Given how much things have already fluctuated and shifted in my first 3.5 months, I've been trying to stay in observation mode as I watch my reactions throughout my days.  So many things are very good about work, yet I'm still struggling to balance work against my need (and increasing ability) to actually have a life outside of work.

One clear victory in that endeavor is that I've found a new go-to movie theater!  I LOVE IT SO MUCH.  Parking is only $3 and tickets are ONLY $11.  FOR GROWNUPS.  ON WEEKEND NIGHTS.

I feel like I'm getting away with highway robbery every single time.  I'm also falling into a habit of buying the most expensive things on the concession menu, because with tickets that cheap I'm concerned the place will close.  Also it seems like no one goes to movies in New City, as the theaters are sometimes oddly empty.  But then, I went to a museum yesterday, on a Saturday, and it seemed like no one was there, either.

Party Location: Clearly elsewhere
Party Invitees: Everyone but me and like five other people

It's very possible that Old City, while I miss it so very very deeply, has skewed my sense of how many people there are.  It's kind of a relief to not get elbowed out of the way while I try to look at oil paintings or independent films.

Anyway!  All my expositioning aside, I'm going to try to write a relatively brief (ha!) review of a movie I saw over the weekend.  We are over a year overdue for a snap judgment!

Tonight's film: "Hell or High Water" (2016).

Five bullet points: commence!

• "Let's talk about our backstory, shall we?!"

We're starting with my non-favorite elements of the movie.

One of my admittedly many pet peeves with movies is when dialogue serves a painfully obvious expository function.  I know the audience has to be given at least some information at the beginning of a film to have any idea what's going on, but there are subtle, artful ways of accomplishing that.  "Hell or High Water" didn't do a great job pulling that off, and instead, the timing of some of its expository information was particularly distracting.

I wouldn't qualify the following as spoilers because I don't think you can call something a "spoiler" if it occurs within the first 10 minutes of a movie, but in any case take that caveat for what it's worth as you read (or don't) the following: So at the outset of the film, you see brothers and main characters Toby Howard (played by Chris Pine) and Tanner Howard (played by Ben Foster) rob two banks in rapid succession.  They then speedily return to their family's Texan ranch, bury their getaway car to conceal it from authorities, then unwind with a few beers.

Once somewhat inebriated, Tanner begins poking around inside the family home and asking about the passing of the Howard brothers' mother as if this is the first time they've ever spoken of it.  The brothers have just commenced a plan to save their family ranch from foreclosure that clearly took a lot of strategizing and forethought.  The development of that plan was spurred by the death of their mother and the subsequent aforementioned looming foreclosure.  ...And yet we're only just now talking about mom's death?  The timing of this conversation is so distracting in its inauthenticity it's kind of stunning.

Other informational issues/plot holes (with actual potential spoilers): The brothers' plot is to steal from the bank that is foreclosing on their farm with the long-term goal of not only paying off the outstanding debt on the farm, but also putting the farm into a trust in Toby's sons' names to ensure they are broken out of the inter-generational cycle of poverty that has ensnared their family for generations.  It is a surprisingly complex and sophisticated plan.  So how the hell did two poor, presumably under-educated brothers (at least one of who has a lengthy prison record) figure out this scheme?  I don't even understand how trusts work, let alone lien transfers or how to find an attorney who is a sufficient balance of corrupt and competent to pull this plan off.  It all pushes the boundaries of reasonable credulity just a tiny bit.

Also this isn't exactly related to my overly-obvious expository beef and also spoilers (but again not really given the fact that this is a nouveau Western): one of the characters gets shot in the abdomen and is clearly not doing so hot but then I guess either gets treated or spontaneously heals because it's later totally unaddressed?  But that's a thing you can just rub some Texan farmland dirt on and walk off, right?

• Storytelling by billboard

Another somewhat ham-fisted device is the film's insistence on establishing the context for its narrative through deliberate drive-by shots of billboards proclaiming the region's financial destitution and resultant housing instability by shilling various debt relief services.

The first time they throw in one of these shots, it's like, "Oh hey I see what you did there!  You're telling me these people live in an environment of pervasive desperation and disempowerment wrought by unfeeling, insatiable, bloated, and unethical institutions that feast off the wreckage of ruined American dreams!"

The next time you're like, "...Yes, okay I get it."

Then they do it like two or three more times, and it's a little over-killy.

• Landscape as a character

Overly obvious billboard shots notwithstanding, there are gorgeous vistas of the Texan landscape peppering "Hell or High Water" that let the arid, vast landscape stretch and breathe as a very strikingly present character in the film.  Throughout the movie, Texas radiates heat, foreboding, mercilessness, strength, and imperviousness to the whims of man.  It's an at once beautiful and stark canvas on which the characters' story unfolds.

The terrain is given a voice through various secondary and tertiary characters who speak to what it means to be Texan with notes of enduring pride that are surprising and compelling especially in a story driven by humiliation and need.  At one point the Howard brothers' corrupt-yet-capable attorney recaps their plan to pay for their family's farm with money they robbed from the bank attempting to foreclose on the farm as "the most Texan thing I've ever heard" (or something along those lines).

Then, as Texas Rangers Marcus Hamilton (played by Jeff Bridges) and Alberto Parker (played by Gil Birmingham) stake out the location they suspect will host the Howard brothers' next heist later in the film, Alberto offers a different, older perspective on the history of the land that surrounds them.  By speaking to Native People's more long-standing relationship with the land, Alberto offers a needed counter-narrative to the otherwise pretty much uniformly Caucasian experience of what it is to be Texan and inhabit that land.

• Laugh lines

In its efforts to capture the Texan spirit, there are several unexpected moments of humor in "Hell or High Water."  One of my favorite scenes is when the Rangers stop for lunch in a tired-looking steak restaurant while zeroing in on the Howard brothers.  No spoilers this time, but hilarity ensues via the grouchy old lady waitress, and it's delightful.

Grouchy old lady waitresses FTW!

• Predictable, and yet

So this movie is a Western about brothers robbing banks while being actively pursued by two officers of the law.  It is obviously highly predictable that things don't go swimmingly.  And yet, when things very abruptly take a turn, I felt my heart clench as I gasped and my hands flew to my face.  It happens so fast, and even though some form of doom has been threatening from the first moments of the film, I still felt caught unawares and I still dreaded the inevitable fallout to come.

There is something so indisputably special about a film that can be very clear about precisely what it is and still surprise you.  "Hell or High Water" is full of different surprises that strike a symphony of emotional notes.  It's funny, it's beautiful, it's thrilling, it's devastating.  It has moments of melancholic sweetness and uneasy, temporary peacemakings.  Each actor melts into his or her role, aiding in transporting you directly into the heart of West Texas.  It's a really wonderful film.

Take a peak at the trailer and see if it's playing near you!

Movie score: 4.5!

{Heart}

My Mom Hated "The Lobster" and I Made Her Tell Me All About It

Greetings fellow humans!

I have a special treat in store!

I recently watched "The Lobster" (2015).  The decision to watch that film ran strongly counter to the counsel of my mom, who will henceforth be referred to as PsychoCineMom, and who hated, HATED "The Lobster."

After seeing the movie and formulating my own strong opinions, I decided to check in with PsychoCineMom to discuss.

LUCKY FOR YOU DEAR READERS, I recorded that discussion.  Below, please find, for your immense reading pleasure:

"The Lobster": A Discussion with My Mom, 

Who Hated It

Needless to say: this post contains spoilers.  Spoilers galore.  Spoilers contained herein largely concern "The Lobster," obviously, but also another of director Yorgos Lanthimos's films, "Dogtooth" (2009).  And kind of but not really "In Bruges" (2008).  As a result, this post also includes another PsychoCinematic first: a jump! (See the fancy html coding IN ACTION below!)

I know I just said that henceforth mom will be referred to as PsychoCineMom, but for shortness-of-title-in-the-interview-transcription's sake, she will henceforth be referred to as PCMom.

Because the interview was thorough, you will note that I have also included subheadings for anyone who's interested in hearing PCMom's perspectives on various "Lobster"-related topics.  Those headings include:

• PCMom Summarizes "The Lobster"
• PCMom Rates "The Lobster"
• PCMom Identifies the Only Parts of "The Lobster" She Liked
• PCMom Discusses the Aesthetics of "The Lobster"
• PCMom Discusses Her Absolute Least Favorite Part of "The Lobster"
• An Assessment the Main Character's Motivation
• I Reveal My Feelings About "The Lobster"
• I Put My Feelings About "The Lobster" In Context Given that "Dogtooth" was Worse
• I Acknowledge My Capacity to Revel in Sadistic Humor
• An Assessment of the Main Character's Character
• I Reveal My Rating of "The Lobster"
• PCMom Should Maybe Not Be Allowed to Interview Yorgos Lanthimos
• An Assessment of the Use of Animal Cruelty in Cinema
• PCMom Reassesses Her Rating

Without further ado:

Goodbye, Mr. Cunningham

Hello,

In what's been a very dramatic and often very depressing few weeks, I wanted to ensure this news item didn't miss our attention:

This weekend, Bill Cunningham, the photographer behind the New York Times's recurring "On the Street" fashion photoessay, passed away.

Friends who have been following this blog from early on may remember that I reviewed "Bill Cunningham New York" (2010), the documentary profiling Mr. Cunningham and his remarkable life and work.  (You can check out that original post here.)

Although unfortunately the film isn't currently available to live stream on Netflix (as it thankfully was when I first watched it), it's still available as a DVD rental through the service.  It's also rentable through Amazon and iTunes and may be streamable through Hulu.  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

Thank you for your passion and dedication, Mr. Cunningham.

{Heart}

The "Legend" of the Next Chapter

Hihihi!

It's very late and I must go to bed soon.

But!

By way of (two) quick updates:

• New job is great!  New apartment is great!

The upgrade in quality of life since our move to New Home is sweeping, stunning, and instantaneous.  Husband and I actually get to see each other!  We have space!  Kittens are happy!  Work is busy but has (at least for the moment exceedingly) reasonable hours!

• A few months ago I watched a movie I wanted to write about, even briefly, because it's my impression that it is woefully underappreciated.

"Legend" (2015)!

Normally gangster movies really don't do much for me.  They perpetuate a tired and weird nostalgic bad-old-days mystique, they're predictable, they glorify psychopathy, and they try to swaddle misogyny in the bogus guise of infatuated "love" gone awry.  (Ew.  Spare me please, especially on this latter infraction.  Dragging someone into your drugs-and-violence-fueled catastrophic death spiral is not romantic.)

And yet!  For several reasons, I REALLY enjoyed this movie:

1. Telling an English version of a solidly American narrative gives the story a fun new flavor.

2. The 1960s mod aesthetic makes for fun costuming.

3. The fight scenes are genuinely bruising, badass, and very well-shot.

But the real standout reason to watch this movie is, very unfortunately, perhaps why it seems like basically no one saw it:

4. The main characters in the movies are twins, both of whom are played by Tom Hardy.

Even though I deeply love Tom Hardy, I almost avoided seeing "Legend" altogether because I was thrown by what I perceived as a possibly bizarrely terribad gimmick.  There was something about the trailers that didn't properly convey the "No guys but seriously this performance is actually great!!" that is warranted for this film.

Because it is!!  It is so great!!

The Kray brothers are well-developed characters who have independent arcs, and their arcs interact in at times surprising ways.  Of course their fraternal blood bond is (at times literally) wrestled with, with each brother representing either the siren song of a life of crime (Ronnie Kray) and the fragile hope of living "right" (Reggie Kray).  So the writing in this movie is actually pretty excellent, as evidenced by the new life breathed into an arguably pretty tired gangster trope.

But really, none of that would hit quite so hard if these characters weren't brought to life through Hardy's performance(s).  He is absolutely magnetic.  Far from being a distracting gimmick, the fact that he plays two of the film's main characters is delightful; not only do you get more Tom Hardy (yes plz), but you get to watch a very skilled actor thread the very challenging needle of having to act against himself.

So see it!

I gave the movie a 4.5.  Obvi I'm only holding out on that last .5 because Tom Hardy didn't play triplets.  #moretomhardyplease

{Heart}

Grasping and Goodbyes

Hey guys,

In two weeks (minus one day), Husband and I will be moving to our new city.

I've been waiting for the sadness over leaving our where-we-live-now City for months now.  I was waiting for it so vigilantly and yet not sensing it that I had started to think it just wouldn't arrive.

Certainly, we're moving to another great city, where many friends are waiting for us and our new home will be extraordinarily wonderful and my new job is extremely exciting.  Our City hasn't served us in lots of little, accumulating ways for a long time; not enough space, money, or time for too long hardened my heart against it, both because that hardening is somewhat justified and because I needed to steel myself against feeling the loss of what we were giving up to step into the next chapter of our lives.  It made sense to simply feel ready to leave.  Perhaps, it made sense that the sadness would never come.

But here it is.

It sent its first harbinger two weeks ago, when I took a day off work to a) take some time to enjoy the City and b) try to use up some of my unexpectedly large reserve of vacation time.  I went to see a movie at my favorite this-City movie theater, with the plan to follow up with the most passable version of Mexican food I've been able to find since moving here almost seven years ago.

The theater plays the same sweet, exuberant little animated sequence before every feature, during which it lays down the law about the behavioral expectations of its audience (including, "NO FIGHTING" and the equally important "NO BITING").  It then concludes with what it boldly promises to offer in return: NO BAD MOVIES.  Tears instantly slid down my face.  Oh I will miss this place.

Last night, some of our most precious friends celebrated our departure with us.  It was so good.  It's so good to so fully enjoy the company of other human beings.

Upon returning to our neighborhood and our little street, quieted and made orangey black by late night street light, the sadness finally arrived full-strength.  I have taken for granted this little street, and had even begun to feel relieved to be leaving it, and yet for almost seven years, it's been so willingly and consistently ours.  But in two weeks, it'll never be ours again.

I woke up this morning to my mind desperately searching for ways to squeeze more contact out of this City before we go.  Could I go see that park I love?  Or that museum?  When's the next time I see my friends?  What about the time after that?  But what about after that?

I want to cling to the promise left in these two weeks (minus one day) that I can still fully be here, even as I pack my belongings and leave my job and say goodbye to people and places I love so much I let them feel so comfortably like home, like they were mine, that I somehow thought I could leave them and still have them.

The merciful thing about most people and most places is that they do, at least for a time, remain.  I can and will come back, and I can still love these people and things even though I leave.  But suddenly, in my sadness, I want to snatch up and cling tightly to as many things as I can to fend off my grief at knowing I'll be saying goodbye to them very soon.  It's so much harder to sit in the sadness and see that there's no averting each of these goodbyes.

I love this City because it loves movies.  I love it for many other reasons too.  I love my friends because they love movies.  Last night, we talked about the films we've walked out of (or fell asleep during) and spent several minutes naming our favorite quotes from a favorite TV series (to the consternation of one of us).  I also love them for too many other reasons to ever possibly honor fully here.

But for our purposes here, in this forum, here is my immense sadness to say goodbye to this City and these people who love movies with me.

Here is my immense wish to grasp these things tightly and deny my inevitable departure.

Here is my immense gratitude that this sadness is so great, since it points to so much joy brought into my life by these precious people and places.

And here is my loving goodbye.

{Heart}

Thanks Past Me!

Salut!

Guys SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

1) Husband and I are moving to a new city.

2) Husband and I found a new apartment in aforementioned new city that is AMAZING.
     a) Our new neighborhood includes an independent movie theater with 7 DOLLAR MATINEES.

3) I have a new job starting in May that will also be AMAZING.

As things have been coming together over the last several months to culminate in all of these changes, I've been reflecting over the last 6 1/2 years of training.  To be thoroughly inclusive, with the additional two years it took to get work experience and actually gain entry to the right graduate program, the process to get to this point, where I finally fully launch my career, has comprised almost a decade of persistent, variously exhausting, work.

I'm feeling so grateful for the part of myself that was willing to keep going throughout this exceedingly long, tiring, at times heartbreaking process.  As anyone who's periodically checked in with this blog is likely aware, these years of training have not been easy.  I've wanted to stop so many times and for so many reasons.  I coped with the dissonance of desperately wanting to bail and nevertheless continuing with varying degrees of appropriateness and success.

One particularly alluring escapist fantasy involved absconding to a Greek island to change my name so debtors could never find me and serve yogurt to tourists for a living.  And possibly drive a scooter.

Husband was maybe going to be a cook at my yogurt-serving restaurant.  Or maybe a goatherd.

I mean who could resist THAT FACE?  Especially when the alternative is comprised of running statistical analyses for dissertation while being paid poverty-level wages to break up fights between very unhappy children?  Why would ANYONE choose that over goaties and yogurt???

But I did.  Over and over.  Many times, I was angry at myself for not being willing to give up.  I wondered what the hell was wrong with me that would allow me to keep returning to places that made me feel depressed, under-appreciated, or unsafe.

Now, as I finally come to the end of this process, I'm able to see that stubbornness, persistence, and strength as the virtues they are, and I'm so grateful to have them.  I had no idea what was ahead of me, but because of these things about me, I now get to live a life I'm excited about and inspired by.

This new life is a gift I worked very, very hard for many years to give myself, despite having no idea what the gift contained.

Even beyond that, now that I'm coming to the end of my training, it's such a blessing to realize that in addition to years of experience and a degree and a job, what I've gained are hard-won reasons to love myself more.  The feeling of pride I have in myself in this moment is small, and quiet, and precious, and very, very strong.

I'm glad I've chronicled the ups and downs (and movies) of the last few years, and I'm so excited to continue during my next chapter.

Hurray!

{Heart}

An Odious Ode to the Movies that Have Made Me Barf

Heyo,

This really annoying thing happens to me sometimes.  As someone who loves watching movies and particularly loves watching movies in theaters, it at times borders on devastating.  It's like this thing I really love and admire and respect, this thing I thought was my friend, suddenly turns on me.  It's kind of the worst.

Sometimes, movies make me throw up.

It's true: Bouncy-Ass cameRa Feels Syndrome (BARFS) is real, and I am a victim.

I have been felled by this terrible condition enough to discern that a clear pattern delineates BARFS-inducing movies from the kinder, gentler films.  There are two major criteria that put a film and its viewers at serious risk of BARFS.  They are:

Criterion B: Bouncy-Ass cameRa work
In the earlier stages of this blog, I lamented the "Blair Witch"-ification of cinematography.  Very unfortunately, there is still a poorly informed school of thought among the proud pantheon of filmmakers that thinks jiggling the shit out of the camera for 90+ minutes straight is a clever storytelling choice.

IT IS CATEGORICALLY NOT.  I do not enjoy the inducement of seasickness while I could be enjoying my pleasant reclining cup-holders-for-arms chair in the blissful dark of a movie theater for like $18 a pop (not even exaggerating: movie tickets are hellaaaaa expensive in our fair city).  I could ride a ferry to an outer borough on a windy day for free if I wanted to feel all tossed-around for funsies thank you very much.

Criterion F: too many Feels
The risk of a movie inducing BARFS increases exponentially when its content consists of exceedingly heightened, uncomfortable, sad, distressing, or otherwise unpleasant emotions.  I might already feel emotionally queasy if the godammned camera stayed in one place.  This effect is intolerably heightened when the inner emotional experience is rendered outward through butterfingers-y camerawork.

Why am I bringing this to your attention now?  I'm glad you asked.

Part of the reason BARFS pisses me off is, despite my purest intent to finish a film, I am often rendered incapable of doing so.  Especially when a New Year's resolution is on the line, this is a serious issue.  On one hand, I feel guilty if I include such a film in my list of movies watched for a year.  Alternatively, I would finish the movie if it weren't made by inconsiderate douche nozzles, so it doesn't seem fair that I can't include it.

Here's my solution to this obviously quite grave conundrum: I will allow myself to include these movies in my movies watched list, but I'll write a post detailing my personal history of BARFS to warn other sufferers away from them and to atone for the ever-so-slight dishonesty factor.

Offender #1: "Hancock" (2008)

I didn't fall victim to BARFS until I was out of college.  It makes me very sad that a Will Smith movie inflicted this vile scourge upon my belly.  I love Will Smith.  Why, Will Smith??

BARFS Criteria: From what I'm remembering, there was some decently wobbly camera stuff happening.  Although I don't think there were full-octane feelings, it did have a bit of a dystopian nihilistic bleh affect that arguably meets Criterion F.

The Fallout (phrasing!): I don't think I actually barfed, but I did walk out of the movie about halfway through because I was too miserably nauseated.  Also the movie wasn't all that great.  But still!  Apparently there's some kind of twist in this movie?  I will never know the twist.

Offender #2: "Rachel Getting Married" (2008)

I'll be honest: I think this movie kind of ruined Anne Hathaway for me.

BARFS Criteria: Super shaky camerawork coupled with a hellish rainbow of family-imploding post-traumatic emotion.  Criteria fully and unequivocally met.

The Fallout: I definitely barfed.  I somehow toughed it out, but only because I spent most of the movie with my eyes closed to at least mitigate against the Criteria B factor.  Without also plugging one's ears, though, there's not escaping the horrific onslaught of full-blown Criterion F.

Offender #3: "Coraline" (2009)

Perhaps coincidentally, I saw "Coraline" at the same theater where I saw "Hancock," which might make one suspicious of that particular grocery store-adjacent cinematheque.  However, I totally saw other movies there ("The Simpsons Movie" (2007), woo!) and "Rachel Getting Married" already proves that BARFS is not a location-specific phenomenon.  I hold the films 100% accountable.

BARFS Criteria: What this film lacked in Criterion B it made up for in abundant Criterion F, super creepy and disconcerting subtype.  WHAT THE F IS WITH THE BUTTON EYES.  AND THIS MOVIE IS FOR CHILDREN?!

The Fallout: Pretty sure I barfed.  Again, I tried to stick with it and finish the movie, but there's just no winning in a battle with BARFS.  This is when I learned that once BARFS takes hold, the only recourse is to abandon ship.

Offender #4: "Melancholia" (2011)

This was actually the BARFS casualty since the inception of this blog.

BARFS Criteria: Don't be fooled by the smooth, slow-motion cinematography of the opening sequence of this movie.  The remainder is two solid hours of loopy camera paired with doomed marriage, crippling mental illness, and the end of world.

The Fallout: I uncovered a possible genetic component of BARFS when I saw this movie with my brother and we mutually determined we had to walk out because we were going to vomit.  I tried to take the power back from BARFS with this one by later watching the remainder of the film on Netflix, and I still couldn't do it.  THERE IS NO CONQUERING BARFS.

Offender #5: "Beasts of the Southern Wild" (2012)

Unlike the "Rachel Getting Married" effect, I'm really sad I couldn't finish this movie because Quvenzhané Wallis is the cutest thing and from what I saw of it, she gave a transfixing performance in this movie.  But major caveat: I saw very little of it.

BARFS Criteria: All wobbly camera all the time, except during the intervening sequences when monstrous boars were depicted stampeding through a landscape.  To that point, Criterion F includes profound poverty, catastrophic natural disasters, and a sweet, vulnerable, beautiful child getting bandied about by the crushingly cruel hand of fate.

The Fallout: Totally barfed.  A lot.  Tried to tough it out and just couldn't.  Caveat: I had also shared a smallish pitcher of delicious sangria with my aunt before seeing this film, which definitely did not increase my BARFS threshhold.

Offender #6: "The Wolfpack" (2015)

And now, the inspiration for today's post.

BARFS Criteria: Largely home-movie style shooting because it was actually largely comprised of home-movie footage, so at least the film comes by its Criterion B honestly.  As for Criterion F, the film depicts the actual, real-life story of a large family essentially held prisoner in their apartment for years by the cult-y, totalitarianistic father.  So yeah.

The Fallout: I went to see this movie at an event at my favorite cinema-related museum that included the director and the cast of the movie.  It would have been really cool to hear their reactions to this film, which possibly changed the lives of its subjects.  And even after keeping my eyes closed for like 75% of the movie, I just couldn't do it.  No barfing, but I've learned to surrender to BARFS before it's too late.

Dear readers, you've been warned!

{Heart}