So I'm rethinking my commitment to writing about a movie AND grad school every single time I create a post, since that makes my posts really long, and that makes me not write them because I'm overwhelmed by the (actually relatively negligible, cosmically speaking) time commitment involved in covering both tasks in every post. Maybe sometimes I'll just write about grad school? Maybe sometimes I'll just write about a movie? I don't know. I'm considering my options.
ANYWAY.
So a month or so ago, I decided it was finally, FINALLY time for my boyfriend to watch "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" (2001) with me. This was a big decision. "Hedwig" is my very most favorite movie ever ever ever, and liking it is very important if someone is going to like me. It's weird, loud, emotional, and complicated... and if you can't handle that for only 95 minutes, there might be a problem if you're looking to hang out with me.
Of course, the comparison between me and this movie is not perfect. I am a reasonably normal (again, cosmically speaking) clinical psychology graduate student from somewhere hot and conservative, living in a neither-hot-nor-conservative large city. Hedwig is an East German male-to-female transsexual rock star. Our paths are somewhat different. Still, I like to think that she and I would be friends.
The movie is based on Plato's Symposium, a discussion of the nature and origin of love. The theory goes that human beings were originally composed of two people stuck together, but the gods became displeased with us and chopped us in half leaving us in the form we take today. As a result, humans are doomed to spend their lives searching for their other half, in the hopes of negotiating some kind of imperfect reunification.
"Hedwig" is an examination of this theory: Is there really another half of every person, waiting to be found? Can any one person complete another? *Should* they?
I first saw the movie in theaters, when I was in high school. It was like hearing the favorite song of a past life. It resonated with me immediately. I purchased the DVD as soon as it came out. I've since watched it countless times. I bought the soundtrack. I memorized the lyrics to every song like the words were my own. I dressed up as Hedwig for Halloween twice in a row, devotedly tracking down a Farrah Fawcett wig, red glitter lipstick, fishnets, a zebra-striped miniskirt, and a t-shirt that said "Boy Scouting" in big silver and red letters.
In short, this movie means a lot to me.
So boyfriend and I watched it together. I was giddy and nervous. What if he didn't like it? What if he thought it was too weird? What if he didn't *get* it??
The best song in the movie is, appropriately, titled "The Origin of Love". It's a make-or-break moment in the film--a statement of its thesis, its central question. It's filled with drama, yearning, terror and exhilaration. I watched boyfriend so carefully during the song, trying to guess his reaction. He was riveted. And then, during a sing-along sequence later, he sang along! Best of all, when the movie ended, he wanted to talk about it a lot!!
Success!!!
It probably seems silly to be so invested in any one film. But as I peeked at my boyfriend during that fabulous opus of a song, my eyes brimming with tears, I was reminded of why I love it so much. After dozens of viewings, the movie still makes me cry (multiple times). After years of watching it and thinking about it, new nuances emerge each time I see it. The movie is messy, and there's no pretty, neat conclusion at the end. You don't know what happens to Hedwig, and you don't know the answers to all of the questions the movie asks. Characters assert their different arguments, change, and their feelings about their arguments change with them. As the film closes, it leaves with a spirit of enduring inquiry. After contemplating loneliness, love, meaninglessness, and failure, the film leaves you feeling renewed, almost reborn. It's a very special movie.
So you should watch it.
I should also note, before I move on to my very very brief synopsis of grad school: For all of its beautiful and emotional intellectualism, "Hedwig" is also fucking funny. It's one of the most delightfully quirky and entertaining movies I've ever seen. And the soundtrack kicks ass. And John Cameron Mitchell is intoxicating. Seriously. Watch it, and you'll love every second of it.
And if you don't... Maybe we shouldn't be friends.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: I'm in the middle of finals, applying for externships, scrambling to get all of my thesis data together, and writing an assessment report. To be extra-special concise: grad school sucks. Hence today's title.
With that, I have to study for my research methods final.
<3
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