Hey darlings,
It's been almost exactly 5 years since I last wrote a Terrible Year Survival Guide post. While in my personal world I wouldn't count this year as a Terrible Year, it certainly and unarguably is catastrophically terrible on a national and international governance level. Yet so far, to a greater extent than I would have guessed, I've been doing okay--and oftentimes, better than okay. And I think that's in large part to my high degree of compliance with my resolutions for 2025.
So in case it's somehow helpful to either borrow some ideas directly from me or for jump-starting your own process of identifying what would help you bolster yourself during this horrendous time, please allow me to share the things I've been doing, including some small but impactful changes I've made, to do sustainable, consistent, values-congruent things with my free time and thereby keep myself feeling whole, well, and happy.
Photography stuff: I've finally been working to translate my years-old backlog of vacation photos into printed photo books. Making any degree of forward motion in this area is so satisfying. That progress has been made easy by both past-me sorting through the hundreds/thousands of photos I took on each trip to winnow them down to like 300-400 that I can cram them all into a photo book, and also by the pretty-streamlined-once-you-get-the-hang-of-it photo book builder I use on Snapfish. Not only is it gratifying to at long last have a physical photo album of the trip Husband and I took Iceland almost 10 years ago, but it's also a joy to revisit those memories.
Making local friends + Reading: A bunch of parents in my neighborhood and I started a book club last summer, and it's been meeting about monthly ever since. We alternate between parenting books and fiction, and spend the vast majority of our meet-ups chatting before we eventually talk at least a tiny bit about the book. I felt particularly edified by my suggestion to read Casey McQuiston's Red, White, and Royal Blue, because it led to a great conversation about our communal ambivalence yet enjoyment of light fiction written primarily for women. Book club also introduced me to Kaveh Akbar's Martyr!, which is one of the best books I've read in the past few years. It's been so pleasant to look forward to our meetings, to have an additional nudge to read, and to finally be making friends who live nearby and are at a similar stage of life.
Taking care of plants and animals: I planted flower bulbs and potatoes in the past month or so and am so excited to see them growing. I've also been so grateful for my now years-long daily habit of filling my backyard bird feeder and putting out food scraps for backyard birds and foxes. It's such an extra little jolt of joy to see so much wildlife in our back yard. I've also finally figured out how not to kill succulents (the metaphor of my history of killing them via overwatering does not escape me), and my growing succulent collection is on a shelf in my kitchen so I can enjoy it all the time. They're so cute! And then I of course also love caring for the abundance of inside animals in my house. <3
Staying connected to long-distance friends: Husband and I have gotten into a weekly routine of getting carry-out from the only decent Mexican food place I've identified in our area, and the drive is just long enough that it creates a perfect opportunity for catching up with friends and family. Plus I get a burrito out of it. And speaking of Mexican food, a month ago my best friend and I took a long weekend trip in Mexico together to celebrate both of us having milestone birthdays, which is the first time we've traveled just the two of us since 2009. While that delay between trips is completely atrocious, the trip itself was amazing! We swam with sea turtles!!!
Recovery: I've recently made some major breakthroughs in my recovery work, and I feel ever more aware of the cumulative benefits of sustained recovery work in my life. If there's any one thing I can give credit for my overall sense of well-being, it's this. Plus the pandemic (not entirely) ending really helps.
Activism: I've been consistently engaged in activism with two major causes that matter to me as well as regular direct mutual aid. It is so meaningful, powerful, and grounding to be involved in collaborative efforts in support of causes that deeply matter to me. The only way that's been possible is because of the willingness of the groups I'm involved in to meet by Zoom or in a hybrid format and to schedule most of their recurring meetings in the evenings (and also the availability of shifts to do mutual aid that fit into my work schedule). The fact that I can join meetings while finishing up kid bedtime if needed is such a game-changer that allows me to still participate and feel engaged. I'm so grateful this work has been accessible and feasible for me, because I genuinely think I would be losing my mind if it wasn't.
Shame Games: This is my lovingly pejorative moniker for the completely silly and low-skill games I've been playing on my phone instead of doing ANYTHING on social media. I cringe a little bit extra playing them because, while the first game was an excellent suggestion from a friend for how to cope with the terror of the new administration, all subsequent games are a direct consequence of me succumbing to the ads embedded in that first game. But here's the thing: we all need some amount of tune-out time to self-regulate, and spending mine playing my adorable little cat game or my Tetris knock-off game or my pretend tidying-up game is actually pleasurable and gives me a little bit of an albeit misplaced sense of efficacy, which Facebook and Instagram absolutely literally never did. My life is genuinely better with social media fully out of it and my dumb little shame games in it.
Enjoying my home: I've had little breaks between sessions recently when I've just like... sat in my living room, or on my house's deck, or in our sunroom, and it is so calming and fulfilling. I am so grateful for our house--we chose the perfect home for us, and it's so nice to be able to really soak that in.
Watching movies: In no small part because of the weekend childcare we've had for the past several months, I'm not only very much on track for my 30 movies a year goal, but I've also seen several in actual real live movie theaters. What a dream! It truly feels like the height of luxury to see a movie alone on a weekend afternoon, let alone to eat nachos while I do it.
A notch even above that--and this is where the profound psychological gift of weekend childcare really kicks in--is the indulgence of seeing a movie that might not be perfectly suited to my taste--something that might be great but not for me, or simply fine. After all, you know we love a fine movie here, and we honor that they very much have their place.
Don't get me wrong--a lot of the movies I've seen in theaters have been so good! But seriously, to be able let go of the perfectionistic, scarcity-mindset-based enjoyment maximalizing pressure that is a consequence of inconsistent or nonexistent not-only-covering-working-hours childcare is that I can just see a movie because seeing movies is fun, knowing that if this one sucks I can just see a different one next week and the week after that if I choose to. It's such a gift.
And with that: I hope you're well and happy and whole. If you're not, I hope these ideas are helpful to you, or that they help you to find your own ways of restoring yourself to greater wellbeing. You deserve it, and you need it, especially during such a dark time. After all, as we know:
Thanks for reading, friends.
{Heart}
