"Moonstruck" by How Bizarre Nicolas Cage Is

Hihi,

I want to talk about "Moonstruck" (1987).

At times I have been diverting from my arguably more snooty lists of indie films to instead watch classic or much-referenced movies I have never seen.  Enter: "Moonstruck".

To start with the good: Cher is delightful, obviously.  She is deliciously magnetic, so profoundly charismatic that it's impossible to tear your eyes off her.  I sincerely enjoyed her!  Something about her performance fills me with warmth and affection for her.  I just want to listen to her talk and watch her react to stuff.

That said.... This earned her an Academy Award??  Was 1987 a slow year for movies?  (Survey says: Maybe!) 

Looking at the field of nominees, I have a few reactions:

1) #OscarsSoWhite is, was, and feels like it will almost always be real.

2) I am admittedly not familiar with all of the movies for which leading women were nominated in 1987.  The only other one I am familiar with is is Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" (1987), and... seriously??  These are some rough, extraordinarily narrowly-defined gendered roles for ladies.

3) Real talk?  "Moonstruck" is just "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (2002), but Italian.  The notion that a cute, passable romcom gets any Oscar nods at all blows my mind. 

I suppose all this should just make me appreciate how far the industry has come in the last 30 years, inasmuch as it's progressed at all.

So already I'm not so on board with this movie getting the acclaim that it did.  Even taking the delightful Cher into account, I just do not find this story all that interesting or compelling.  It is, as I said, a passable romantic comedy.  It is aggressively fine.

...But then we have to contend with Nicolas Cage.

Guys.  WHAT is the DEAL with Nicolas Cage in this movie?  (I would say "in general," but I don't pretend for a second to have the kind of time and energy required to even try to tackle that question.)

First off, he comes in more than a little hot. 

And he's not exactly selling himself as a viable love interest.

But here's the thing I have NEVER seen mentioned about "Moonstruck", and I'm honestly deeply offended that no one thought it was necessary to mention it:

The wooden hand.  THE WOODEN HAND.  NICOLAS CAGE HAS A WOODEN HAND?!

I mean OF COURSE he has a wooden hand because he's Nicolas Cage, but I nevertheless insist on the following questions:

WHAT.

WHY.

WHAT AND WHY.

CAN HE NOT BE STOPPED.

Like... I understand that there needed to be deep-seated acrimony between Cage's Ronny and his rival brother Johnny.  I get that.  But we really couldn't have figured out a less unnecessarily bizarre, distracting, and off-putting manifestation of that acrimony than a goddamned absurd-looking wooden hand?

I can't.

In summary and as punishment for this nonsense, I gave the movie a 2.

{Heart}