This year has been very full. I'm glad for the opportunity to reflect on 2023 and think about what my hopes are for the new year ahead.
By far the most important thing that happened this year was the arrival of my Second Child and our transition to being a family of four--First Child's transition into being an older sibling, and Husband and I into being parents of two children. Second Child has been such a source of constant delight and joy.
In so many ways, parenting a second baby has been made all the more positive by the experience of having parented a baby already. I am grateful both for the two unique experiences I've had parenting both of my children so far, but also for the greater degree of confidence and peace of mind I've enjoyed by being a somewhat more seasoned parent than the first time around--babies are each special and singular in their own ways, but they are also in many ways similar and therefore, mercifully, to some extent predictable. (I did, for example, immediately remember my first round of googling "weird noises newborns make while sleeping" as soon as I blearily engaged in middle-of-the-night googling the second time.)
While there have been some other stand-out events this year, including the much-anticipated birth of my nephew, as well as some nice vacations, holidays, and time with friends and family, our family's transition has occupied most of 2023. I had illusions that the bulk of the adjustment would be focused largely in the first few months after Second Child was born, but I now understand that of course it takes much longer than that, in part because both of our children are still growing and changing every day. The ways in which they experience each other and I experience them as their parent are therefore going to be different as time goes on, requiring me to stay attuned and creative in ways I haven't had to before this year. I don't think I could have accurately anticipated how much those tasks would stretch me to the absolute maximum capacity I can offer. This year has been absolutely joyful and beautiful especially because our children have been its focal point, and it has also been a lot of hard work.
Having felt so humbled by the ways 2023 has surprised me, it's hard for me to predict what's realistic to aspire to in the new year. I have been trying to take this into account as I start to formulate my resolutions for 2024.
With that in mind, let's reflect on this year's resolutions:
1. Practice and maintain overall emotional health.
2. Watch 52 movies.
1. Practice and maintain overall emotional health.
I further clarified this resolution with the following three sub-goals:
--Maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.
--Maintaining healthy boundaries with work.
--Maintaining regular practices that prioritize peace, balance, and space for things (including people and pursuits) that matter to me.
--Maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.
I think I've made slow yet steady progress on this one, especially if I consider a more expansive version of this goal as applying a lot of the principles I talked about in last year's post. I feel the benefits of this persistent work all the time, and I'm grateful that I've stuck with it despite some considerable challenges in the past year.
--Maintaining healthy boundaries with work.
I actually did this! I moved my work hours to accommodate the needs of my family, scaled back my caseload, and deleted a major work commitment that wasn't going to be feasible given its work/reward ratio, plus made sure there was room for a semi-regular colleague consultation meeting. I still occasionally feel this nagging little people-pleasing tug to re-extend my hours back into the evening, but it's just so much better for my life and my family to keep my hours where they now are and I'm grateful to Second Child for being the impetus for me to do it.
Moving forward, I will start to expand my caseload once Second Child starts daycare in a few months. I'm hoping to feel gratified by the opportunity to work with some new people while still not taking on so much that I'm overwhelming myself.
--Maintaining regular practices that prioritize peace, balance, and space for things (including people and pursuits) that matter to me.
I did this to some extent, but not as fully as I needed. I'm hoping that at some point in the new year I can more fully devote time and mental energy to the routine things that keep me well, in addition to the things that keep me in touch with the person I am beyond parent and psychologist. I remember that became much more possible even with First Child's small initial moves toward a baby version of independence--being able to play for longer stretches and eat more things means I don't have to be on as a parent every moment in the same way.
2. Watch 52 movies.
As you'll see with my forthcoming round-up, I did absolutely demolish this resolution this year. Parental leave gave me a massive advantage on this front. I'm so glad that I was able to enjoy so many movies in the first half of the year, because my movie-watching-rate has seen a steep decline in the last quarter of 2023.
And now, let's decide on what my aspirations are for 2024.
Next year's resolutions are:
1. Prioritize the things that make savoring life possible.
2. Watch at least 30 movies.
First off, given the heavy lift that 2023 has been, sticking with only two resolutions seems like the smart move. Secondly, as you can see, I've kept both resolutions somewhat vague to rig things in favor of success. But of course, as always, I can get a little more specific about both of them.
1. Prioritize the things that make savoring life possible.
I know there are probably plenty less janky ways to phrase that, but in general the gist is this:
a) I have to stay committed to my recovery/self-care stuff. It is good for me, I benefit from it, my family needs it, and I need it. I have cut corners in this endeavor this year--for reasons that are real and big, yet still ultimately aren't a good enough rationale for short-changing what I need to be the best possible version of myself. I feel so much better being that version of myself as a parent and as a person, and I deserve that.
When I'm healthier, of course, I'm happier. I'm more present, and I'm more available to the beauty the world is full of. Life is short, and I want to absorb as much of that beauty as I can.
b) I want my hobbies: watching movies, reading, taking walks, working on plants, admiring birds, baking and cooking, playing VR, taking and printing photos. I want my friends and family: especially this year, it has been such a struggle to connect with people outside of my home in a way that feels as fulfilling as I know it can, and that just has to change. I also want to, finally, expand my world more fully post-pandemic: make more local friends and more fully explore and enjoy the beautiful, rich City I live in.
I love all of those things so deeply and they've brought me so much joy. The space simply hasn't been available for a lot of them in the past year, and with truly the best possible reason--I have been dedicating myself almost exclusively to my children and our family, which is what I wanted to do. For myself and for them, I'm hoping that a more expansive version of myself is possible in 2024.
2. Watch at least 30 movies.
This is controversial for me, of course, as this new year could possibly be the first year since starting this blog that I fall short of my usual weekly movie watching goal. I am certainly open to still watching 52 or more movies in 2024, but what's more important than perfectionistically fixating on a certain number of movies, is that I keep watching movies in a way that I enjoy. If I watch only 30 films next year, that still means I've watched them pretty regularly, but in a way that doesn't transform that into an obligation and instead allows more room for the potential realities of my life demanding other uses of my time.
As a sub-goal, if I do stick to this lower overall movie count, I want to write about at least 50% of the movies I watch this year. That would still lead to writing at least once a month.
Overall, I feel good about this hopefully temporary adjustment of my movie-watching aspirations.
And with that: I send you, dear friend, my best wishes for a beautiful, happy, healthy, and bountiful 2024.
{Heart}
